Tying up loose ends
by XxStephXx
Summary: Set in S4. Derek tells Meredith about his kiss with Rose, she tells him she's pregnant and she is done. All that's left to do is tie up loose ends but can Meredith really cut Derek out. MerDer.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 

"What the hell do you mean McDreamy kissed a nurse?" demanded Cristina. Meredith had just stumbled into Joe's blurting out what had just happened to her.

"I mean I went to talk to him and he told me he kissed that nurse…Rose I think he said her name was," said Meredith monotonously as if she was in a daze.

"Bastard!"

"Yeah," said Meredith. "Then I told him I was pregnant and done."

"WHAT?"

"I'm done. I'm done with him and our whole train wreck of a relationship," said Meredith slowly as she let it sink in.

"The part before that," said Cristina through gritted teeth.

"He kissed the nurse…"

"After that."

"Oh yeah the stick turned blue this morning," said Meredith. "Joe Tequila!"

"You can't," said Cristina automatically.

"I'm not keeping it," said Meredith gratefully taking the shot from Joe who had been hovering waiting to give her the tequila. "So I can get hammered."

"Right…okay…and you actually told McDreamy you were McPregnant?" said Cristina signaling to Joe to bring her another drink.

"It just came out," she said. "I told I had to talk to him about something big, he said he kissed the nurse and I told him I was pregnant."

"Then what happened?"

"I realised what he said and I told him I was done then I came here," said Meredith.

"Look stop with the Tequila," snapped Cristina. "You're pregnant with McDreamy's kid and you're not keeping it."

"Exactly."

"Oh shit Mer when you screw up you really screw up," said Cristina. "Wait what did McDreamy say about…you know."

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"He just stood there looking at me…looking at me like I was…I don't a diseased rodent infested whatever."

"Uh Meredith…if you don't want to see Dr. McDreamy you better run because he is heading this way fast," said Joe.

"Thanks I'm going," said Meredith grabbing her stuff and all but throwing Derek out of her way. He ran out to the parking lot after her.

"Meredith, Meredith Stop!" he shouted after.

"Why? Why the hell should I stop?" she shouted back at him as she stopped running and turned round.

"I want to talk about…what you told me…you're pregnant," gasped Derek as he caught up to her.

"Yeah I am," she said.

"What are we…I mean the baby…"

"The baby is just a loose end that needs to be tied up," said Meredith looking up at the sky helplessly.

"What do you mean?" asked Derek a sense of dread dawning on him.

"I meant it when I said I was done, I am done. I am done with you and all your crap. This 'pregnancy' was a total accident and right now it is the only tie I have to you, so I'm getting rid of the wretched thing as soon as possible," said Meredith wondering how much she meant the words that were coming out of her mouth.

"Meredith you don't have to…please just take some time," said Derek panicking.

"No," said Meredith walking away shaking her head.

"Meredith! Meredith come back here!" shouted Derek but Meredith was already in her car.

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"Bailey where is Meredith?" Derek demanded the next morning after rounds, which he noticed Meredith was absent from.

"Not here," said Bailey harshly.

"Does she have the day off?"

"She has the week off," said Bailey in such a way that Derek couldn't help but know where Meredith was.

He stormed off his lab coat flying behind him. He got off the elevator at gynecology and saw Meredith coming out of an exam room.

"Meredith…" he said begging her with his voice to tell him that he wasn't too late.

"Consider all loose ends tied up," said Meredith leaving him with no doubt as to what she meant. Then she was gone.

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"I didn't do it to hurt you know," said Meredith. Derek was sitting on a bench outside the hospital when Meredith found him, it was almost 2am and pitch black and he was staring into space.

"Right," he muttered.

"I didn't," she said sitting down. "We're a mess…look at us we make each other miserable. We need a clean slate, away from each other. It was the right thing to do."

"Sure it was."

"You really like Rose don't you? You don't have to answer that, I know you do I can tell. You wouldn't have kissed her if you didn't like her. You know it doesn't matter everything that has happened between us, I'm not saying it was a mistake and I never loved you because I did, I really did. But it's finished, it's over. I don't hate you though Derek and I…never wanted to hurt you. So good luck with Rose and the rest of you life, I really mean that," said Meredith looking at Derek who was still looking straight ahead as if he couldn't hear a word she was saying. "Goodbye Derek."

Meredith got up and started walking to her car, then she heard it, it was faint but she definitely heard him.

"Goodbye Meredith," he croaked.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

NINE MONTHS LATER

"Oh crap," muttered Meredith picking up her cell phone and calling Cristina. "Come on pick up…pick up…pick up."

"What do you want?" said Cristina on the other end of the phone.

"My water broke," said Meredith simply.

"Uh…okay, where are you?" said Cristina calmly.

"Uh…at the house, I came back to do motherly stuff and…"

"Motherly stuff?" scoffed Cristina.

"I straightened out the diapers," sighed Meredith. "OWWWW Cristina, help me!"

"Alex will be there in two minutes tops," said Cristina.

"How?"

"We sent him to check up on you," said Cristina. "He should be pulling into the driveway now."

"I see him," cried Meredith so relieved she could have cried.

"Stay calm, grab the bag Izzie packed for you it's in the hall closet and Alex is going to bring you in," said Cristina. "We'll be waiting."

"No Derek…"

"We'll whisk you off to the baby wing before McDreamy even gets out of surgery," said Cristina. "We were never going to let you give birth at Mercy West even if you do work there."

Meredith had never gone back to Seattle Grace after her 'abortion'. The truth was she couldn't do through with it, she just let Derek think that she had. She had transferred to Mercy West and hadn't heard from Derek in nine months. She knew from her friends that Derek was still with Rose, and apparently very happy.

"Alright okay…I can do this," said Meredith more to herself than anyone else.

"Okay Grey lets do this," said Alex taking the phone from Meredith, grabbing her overnight bag and leading her by the hand to the car.

"Alex I'm going to be a Mom, a baby…shit I'm going to give birth to an actual person," gasped Meredith clutching her stomach.

"Wow you're a bright spark Grey," chuckled Alex.

"Sorry but it's scary…really scary and Derek…he won't know promise me you won't let him find out," begged Meredith.

"I'll be more effective than a rottweiler I promise," said Alex.

"Thank you."

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At 3:14am Meredith Grey gave birth to a healthy baby girl, with a full head of black curly hair and sparkling blue eyes. Six hours later Meredith painfully shuffled down to the nursery to see her new daughter and found Derek standing in front of the window staring at the babies.

"Third from left, in the back row," he said dangerously seriously.

"What?" said Meredith.

"Our daughter, is the crib third from the left in the back row."

"No."

"Yes."

"You don't know that, any of it," said Meredith too tired to decide what the smartest thing to say would be.

"I do know," said Derek. "Are you saying that you didn't give birth to that baby?"

"You could have seen her chart to know that."

"I haven't seen her chart, Karev told the nurses not to let me in," said Derek. "Check if you want."

"That's not necessary," said Meredith knowing he was telling the truth. She knew which baby was hers without any doubt, obviously it was the same for Derek he could pick his daughter out of a crowd.

"How could you lie and tell me you got rid of our baby?"

"How is Rose?" snapped Meredith.

"She's fine," said Derek stiffly. "You told me you got rid of our baby."

"I know," shrugged Meredith.

"Can I see her?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because she doesn't need you in her life, neither of us do," said Meredith bluntly. She didn't mean to be cruel, she just wanted him to understand that she didn't want to be around him but she couldn't get rid of his baby. She barely understood it herself, she just knew that she didn't want Derek back in her life, he had hurt her enough the last time and she couldn't risk her baby getting hurt.

"Meredith I am her father," said Derek raising his voice.

"Says who?"

"Me? DNA?"

"Her birth certificate will read Father Unknown and I will not consent to a DNA test," said Meredith pushing the door to the nursery open.

"I'll get a lawyer," he called after her. But she didn't hear him, she was too mesmerized by her beautiful daughter who reminded her so much of the man staring at them through the glass window.

"Don't worry baby, he won't hurt you," she murmured to the baby as she rocked her to sleep. "We'll be fine, just the two of us."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Gabriella Ellis Grey-Shepherd** no matter how many times Meredith looked at Ella's birth certificate, she still didn't know what possessed her to register Derek as the father. Maybe it was because she wanted Ella to be able to trace Derek when she was older, or maybe she just wasn't as strong as she hoped she would be. An hour after registering Ella's birth a letter from Derek's attorney had arrived at the house. Ella was only a week and a half old, but already she was looking more and more like Derek.

"What am I going to do huh?" said Meredith softly stroking Ella's cheek as she slept.

"You are going to hire a damn good lawyer," said Cristina letting herself in the back door and sitting down at the kitchen table next to Meredith. "McDreamy wants to drag it through the law let him, you could hold it up until she turns eighteen."

"But…"

"No buts," said Cristina. "Do you really want McDreamy and the nurse playing happy families with…Gabriella?"

"Ella," said Meredith. "Her name is Ella."

"Right it's pretty," shrugged Cristina.

"Thanks," said Meredith.

"Anyway back to McDreamy, you need a lawyer there is no way he can get a DNA test if you refuse I mean she's a newborn!"

"I know," sighed Meredith. "But he is still her Dad."

"You warned me you would do this," sighed Cristina. "You don't want Derek in her life, okay? He broke you, he might be a nice guy but you two can't be around each other without someone getting hurt remember Addison, Finn and you remember how you were when he cheated on you…"

"He didn't exactly…"

"He cheated on you with the nurse," said Cristina flatly. "He can go and have kids with her if he wants to be a father."

"Right…okay," said Meredith feeling more determined. "You're right of course you're right, he can have a kid with her."

Although she sounded as though she meant it, Meredith couldn't help but doubt that she was doing the right thing. She had grown up without her Dad around and now she was screwed up, she didn't want that for Ella. But she didn't want Ella to feel second best when Derek did go on to start a family with someone else. But on the other hand Derek was her father and he would be a great Dad, Meredith didn't doubt that. She could at least comfort herself with the fact that Ella would never remember what would happen in the next few months when Derek started to fight for his paternal rights.

* * *

"So things went well today I heard," said Alex.

Meredith had had her first court hearing about Ella's custody that day, it was a formality to see if Derek and Meredith could work things out without the help of the courts. Meredith's lawyer did everything he was told to do, denied that Derek was Ella's father and that he had no business saying that he was. But then Derek did the worst possible thing he asked for a photo of Ella, he actually asked for a photo of his own daughter. Meredith couldn't have felt worse, Derek hadn't seen his daughter since she was a few hours old, he hadn't even held her and she was nearly three weeks old now.

"Yeah…I guess," sighed Meredith.

"You don't sound too sure?"

"He asked for a photo," said Meredith numbly. "He wanted a photo of Ella."

"Did you give him one?"

"No."

"That's a little harsh."

"I know."

"What's going on Grey? I thought this was what you wanted," said Alex. "Ella will be better off without him. Fathers aren't much use anyway, look at mine and yours."

"I know this is what I wanted," said Meredith not even convincing herself. "But…a photo?"

"What do want me to say to you?" said Alex bluntly.

"I don't know."

* * *

The next day Meredith snuck into the scrub room, she had transferred back to Seattle Grace Derek knew about Ella there was no reason to stay at Mercy West anymore, she had just been to see the Chief to sort out a star date for her to come back. Derek was due to operate in the OR and would be there in a few minutes. Meredith spotted his ferryboat scrub cap sitting at the sink, and before she could lose her nerve she placed a photo of Ella inside it and covered it up. In the end she couldn't deny Derek the chance to at least see what his daughter looked like.

"Meredith what are you doing here?" demanded Derek coming into the scrub with shock written all over his face.

"Me? Oh I was just…looking for my…earring but I see it isn't here," said Meredith her voice an octave higher than normal.

"You shouldn't be here," he said harshly.

"You're right I shouldn't be," said Meredith calmly. "Have a nice day Dr. Shepherd."

"Likewise Dr. Grey," said Derek stiffly.

Meredith took a deep breath and left the scrub room, she didn't make it to the end of the corridor when she felt Derek grab her and spin her round. She looked up into his angry face and knew she had made a mistake.

"What does this mean?" he asked somewhat desperately as he held up the picture of Ella.

"It's just a picture," she said flatly. "You said you wanted one, there it is."

"Just a picture?"

"Just a picture," said Meredith flatly.

"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked desperately. "Am I such a terrible person that you can't bear to let me even near her?"

"You're not a terrible person," said Meredith before she could stop herself.

"I don't even know her name."

"It's Ella," said Meredith. "Gabriella Ellis Grey."

"Ella? I like it," said Derek. "It doesn't have to be this hard Meredith, we can be friends…"

"Like we were before, yeah that worked out real well," snapped Meredith pulling herself out of her McDreamy daze.

"It would be different we have a child…"

"It's never different Derek, I wanted a clean break. I want a life that you are no part of…"

"And what about Ella…"

"What do you know about Ella? You've never seen her, you've never held her, you don't get up in the middle of the night to feed, you've never changed her nappy, you weren't there for her first breath or her first kick. So don't you try and tell me what is right for her because you don't have the first idea!"

"It is not my fault that you won't let me see her," hissed Derek.

"Why don't you just go and have a baby with your nurse and forget about us, we don't want or need you?"

"Is that what this is about, Rose? Are you really that jealous…"

"I'm not jealous of Rose, she's welcome to you," snapped Meredith.

"Just bitter then?"

"I am entitled to be a little bitter about her," hissed Meredith. "But no she is not even factor, it's you. It's you that I don't want near my daughter."

"Our daughter."

"Can you prove that?"

"Alright you two that is enough!" said Mark stepping in between Derek and Meredith who looked ready to kill each other. "Save it for the courtroom."

"I will prove it, all it take is a little cheek swab and you can't deny me my rights!"

"You can't get that little cheek swab if you can't find us, can you?" Meredith threatened.

"You both need to cool off," said Mark firmly. "You shouldn't even be talking about the case with each other."

"Oh I'm going," said Meredith storming.

"Running away again, how unlike you Dr. Grey," Derek called after him, he knew deep down that arguing with Meredith wasn't the smart thing to do but she just made his blood boil and he couldn't help it.

"Yeah I'm going home to my baby," she called over her shoulder.

* * *

**I got so many reviews for the last chapter that I felt I just had to update again tonight. So if I get even more reviews for this chapter than the last then I will update again within 24 hours.**

**I know Rose and Derek are still together in this story but it is a MerDer fic because I love them and Rose is just a pain but she makes a good obstacle for the story. So don't abandon this story because Meredith and Derek seem to hate each other, they don't really.**

**That is the longest Author note I have ever written, I just wanted to clear a few things up.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"So how is the whole custody thing going?" Izzie asked as she and Meredith were grocery shopping with Ella. Izzie, George and Alex had moved out of Meredith's house after Ella was born, but they still lived together close by.

"There is a hearing tomorrow," sighed Meredith.

"What happens there?"

"Our lawyers bitch to a judge and he decides if Derek should get temporary access," said Meredith.

"Are you alright?" asked Izzie concernedly.

"I'm fine, I just never wanted it to be like this. I guess I was stupid to think that Derek would never find out, and that if he did he would just go away and leave us alone."

"He's been in such a mood at work, he won't let any of us scrub in," said Izzie.

"I'm sorry," said Meredith, throwing random things into her shopping cart. "You shouldn't be punished for what I'm doing."

"It's fine," said Izzie. "To be honest, it's probably for the best. Alex seems to be taking the role of 'Uncle Alex' seriously, I thought he was going to knock Derek out after the fight you had with him."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," laughed Izzie.

"He does seem a little…softer around her," said Meredith, looking down at her sleeping daughter. "Cristina too."

"Yeah, it's definitely weird having a baby in the group. Especially one that looks so much like McDreamy," said Izzie, without thinking. "Sorry."

"Don't be, it's true. She does look like Derek," said Meredith.

Just then, Izzie's pager started to beep.

"It's the hospital, I have to go," said Izzie apologetically.

"Go," said Meredith, understanding completely. "I'll see you later."

"You must love this whole maternity leave!" Izzie shouted on her way out of the grocery store.

"Yeah I do," laughed Meredith.

--------------------------------------------

"Crap," said Meredith as one of her bags fell onto the ground in the parking lot. She now remembered why she had brought Izzie: she couldn't get the bags, the stroller, Ella and herself to the car.

"Here, let me help you," said a man's voice as he picked up the bag that had fallen.

"Oh, thank you," said Meredith gratefully.

"Meredith?"

"Finn!" said Meredith, who nearly fell over from shock. Finn was the last person she was expecting to see.

"Hi, how are you?" he said pleasantly.

"Hi, I'm good. How are you?"

"Yeah, I'm good," said Finn, carrying her bag to her car. "And who is this?"

"Oh… this is my daughter, Ella," said Meredith.

"Oh, so you and Derek are…"

"Not together… he has a girlfriend," said Meredith quickly.

"But he is…"

"Yeah he's her father, it's a long complicated story," Meredith sighed.

"Well she's beautiful," said Finn, placing the bags into Meredith's car.

"Thank you, and thank you for helping."

"My pleasure," said Finn, smiling kindly.

"Can I buy you a cup of coffee? You know, as a thank you?" said Meredith.

"I don't know if that is such a good idea," said Finn hesitantly.

"Yeah, you're right. Sorry I asked," said Meredith. "For what it's worth, you were right about Derek."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to be right."

"It's fine, I'm over it now," shrugged Meredith.

"I was sorry to hear about your mother too," he said gazing down at her as if he was searching for something.

"Thank you," said Meredith touched that he would care after how she treated him.

"I guess we could have a cup of coffee," said Finn. "You know… to catch up."

"I'd like that."

"Well, I've really got to run now but I'll call you. Still the same number?"

"Yeah," said Meredith.

"Goodbye, Meredith."

"Bye, Finn."

"Bye, Ella."

* * *

**OOoooooh Finn is back. I wonder how Derek will react to that...actually I'm not wondering I already know because I have written up to Chapter 6 and I'm about to start chapter 7 right now.**

**Review lots for another quick update!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Meredith was sitting in the courtroom the next day, freaking out. She should be happy, as Derek wasn't playing dirty at all: he hadn't brought up her drowning, her mother's death or her drinking. The judge was seeing things her way, she could tell. But Meredith couldn't help but wish Derek would bring it up. She looked over at him and the pain on his face was clear to anyone. Then Derek glanced at Meredith and she saw what she was doing to him and all her reasons for keeping Derek away from Ella, suddenly seemed so selfish. Yes, it would hurt to have Derek back in her life, but Ella deserved a good dad and Derek would be the best.

Meredith sighed and calmly reached into her purse and pulled out her check book. She wrote a check for her lawyer handed it to him and got up and walked out of the courtroom right in the middle of Derek's lawyer's speech.

"Meredith, Meredith wait!" Derek called as she chased her outside.

"What?" she said, turning round to face him.

"What was that?"

"You win," she said helplessly. "I give in."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that if you're willing to be reasonable we can work things out between ourselves," said Meredith. "It shouldn't have gotten this far."

"I can see her?"

"Yes, you can see her," sighed Meredith.

"Thank you," said Derek, clearly relieved. "When can I see her?"

"You see her today, if you want."

"Yes, today, right now," said Derek, unable to keep the smile off his face.

"I have to go and pick her up, but if you want, you can come to the house in an hour."

"I'll be there," said Derek. "Thank you Meredith, really I mean that and I'm sorry about everything. I hope we can be…friends."

"We'll work something out," said Meredith. "I gotta go."

"What's going on?" asked Rose as she caught up with Derek and Meredith.

"I'm going to see Ella," said Derek.

"Did you get the…" started Rose.

"You can have your DNA test," Meredith interrupted. "Cheek swab only, you're not taking her blood."

"That's not necessary," said Derek. "Really, I know she's mine."

"But…" said Rose. "You need to be sure."

"I am sure."

"And I'm a whore," muttered Meredith.

"Meredith…" said Derek, not wanting to upset Meredith, especially since he knew that she wasn't. "You're not."

"I'll see you in a hour," said Meredith, then she started to walk away but thought better of it. "I don't know you that well Rose, so I don't like you or dislike you. You seem like an intelligent person though, if he wasn't Ella's father why would I try to keep him away from her? Surely if I was a money grabbing whore I would take advantage of him thinking he was, and milk it for every penny."

"Meredith, she didn't mean it like that," said Derek.

"I'm sure she didn't," said Meredith. "I just thought I should clear that up just to make things less awkward."

"Meredith," said Derek.

"I really have to go," she said.

"I'll be over soon," said Derek, making sure she hadn't changed her mind.

"Alright."

"What was that?" said Derek angrily to Rose.

"What? I was just trying to protect you," Rose protested. Derek had never gotten angry with her, but he seemed more than angry now he was livid.

"I do not need you to protect me. She gave in and I do not need you pissing her off, Meredith is the mother of my daughter and I can't have both you at each others throats!"

"What are you saying Derek?" asked Rose, panicking a little.

"I'm saying that… I don't know what I'm saying," he sighed. "I'm going to see my daughter now, I'll call you later."

"Alright," said Rose, leaning in to kiss him but he turned his head so that she ended up kissing his cheek. "I love you."

"Yeah," said Derek gruffly, then he just walked straight to his car without looking back.

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"Hi. I'm not too early am I?" asked Derek eagerly.

"No, not at all," said Meredith letting him into the house. "Ella is still asleep but she should be awake soon."

"Okay," said Derek. "I'm sorry about Rose earlier."

"No I'm sorry, I was out of line. It's none of my business. You can have a DNA test…"

"And I told you, that isn't necessary."

"Right well… the offer is still there," said Meredith awkwardly. "The, uh… lawyers are drawing up joint custody papers for us to sign."

"Alright."

"I'll go and wake Ella, if she sleeps much longer she won't go to bed tonight," said Meredith. "I'll bring her down."

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"Is she asleep?" Meredith asked. Derek had spent all afternoon with Ella, then he had helped give her a bath and then put her to bed.

"Yes," said Derek. "She's sound asleep now."

"Good," said Meredith, taking the baby bottle out of Derek's hand. "Did she drink it all?"

"Everything except what's left," he said.

"Did you burp her?"

"Yes I burped her, got a little vomit on my shoulder too," said Derek. "Don't you trust me?"

"Sorry, I'm being a pain, aren't I?"

"A little," chuckled Derek.

"Sorry, nobody has put her to bed except me before," she confessed. "I'm just a little overprotective."

"Well, I'm very honored," said Derek charmingly.

"You should be," smirked Meredith.

"When do you come back to work?"

"A month," said Meredith. "I'm starting to interview nannies tomorrow."

"A nanny?"

"Yes, I'm a single mother and a surgical resident," said Meredith. "I don't want different people looking after her, so yes I hiring one nanny to look after her when I can't."

"I can look after her," said Derek.

"Yeah, alright you can," said Meredith. "But the fact is there will be a time when neither of us can look after her, so it's only practical that I have a nanny."

"I guess you're right," sighed Derek.

"I am."

"When can I see her again?"

"You can see her whenever you want, I don't go back to work for another month so just call and give me a few hours notice," said Meredith. She had watched how Derek and Ella bonded and she knew without a doubt that she had made the right decision.

"Tomorrow? I don't have a surgery until eleven," said Derek eagerly.

"Tomorrow is fine," said Meredith.

"I better go," said Derek. "Thank you again."

"You're welcome again."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"I'm so sorry we had come here," said Meredith. Finn had called and instead of going for coffee, they had decided to go to the zoo with Ella. But Meredith had forgotten to hand one of her transfer forms into the hospital so they had to stop off there first.

"It's fine," said Finn. "Just go and give it to your Chief then we can go."

"Alright, I'll be right back," said Meredith, balancing Ella on her hip while she dug around in the diaper bag.

"Here let me take her," said Finn, taking a gurgling Ella from Meredith. "Go and do what you need to do, we'll just wait here and… admire the view."

"Are you sure?" asked Meredith hesitantly.

"Yes, relax I'm great with kids," said Finn. ticking Ella's stomach making her squeal with delight. "You'll be right over there anyway."

"Okay… thanks," said Meredith, getting her form out the bag and going into the chief's office.

Unfortunately Derek chose that moment to turn into the corridor on his way to the chief's office. The first thing he saw was Finn, holding Ella, bouncing her up and down and making her laugh.

"Dr. Dandridge?" said Derek, his eyes flashing in anger.

"Oh… Derek hi," said Finn, noticing the look in Derek's eye. "How are you?"

"What are you doing here?" said Derek, not caring that he was being rude.

"I'm just waiting for Meredith," said Finn smugly, clearing sending a message to Derek 'This time I win'. "We're going to the zoo."

"The zoo?" said Derek disdainfully.

"Yes the zoo," said Meredith, who had all but run from the Chief's office when she had spotted Derek and Finn talking. "You know the big place with all the animals?"

"The two of you are going to the zoo?" said Derek.

"The three of us are going to the zoo," Finn corrected with the same smug smile on his face.

"How nice," said Derek in a tone that completely contradicted his statement.

"Isn't it?" said Finn.

"We… uh, better go actually I just came in to drop something off for the chief," said Meredith. She couldn't help but feel a little angry at Derek's behavior; after all, what did it have to do with him if she was seeing Finn? He had Rose, he had no right to be angry or hurt at anything she did anymore, he had lost that right a long time ago.

"Alright, I'll come by tonight?" said Derek meaningfully.

"Uh… I'm not sure when we'll get back, could you come over tomorrow morning instead?" said Meredith.

"I have an early morning surgery," said Derek, glowering at Finn.

"Uh…alright," said Meredith. "Call me and we'll sort something out."

"Right, thanks," Derek muttered.

"Come on, Finn," said Meredith, throwing Derek a dirty look.

---------------------------------------------

"You didn't tell me Finn was back," said Derek, stiffly the next morning as he changed Ella's diaper. He had pushed his morning surgery so that he could spend time with Ella, he hated it when he didn't see her at least every second day.

"You didn't ask," said Meredith, taking the dirty diaper and throwing in the trash.

"I just thought you would do me the courtesy of at least telling me," said Derek.

"I just ran into him a few weeks ago," Meredith shrugged, wishing Derek would just hurry up and take Ella for a walk already.

"A few _weeks_ ago?"

"The day before the hearing," said Meredith. "Why do you care?"

"I care when I find him in the hospital with my daughter," said Derek sharply. "Why couldn't you come and find me? I would have looked after while you were talking to the Chief."

"I was with the chief for literally two minutes," Meredith protested. "Anyway my love life is nothing to do with you, I don't ask you about yours so you keep your nose out of mine."

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"I'm taking Ella for a walk," snapped Derek, needing to calm down before he said something he regretted earlier. Ever since Meredith had come back into his life all they did was argue, everything she did made his blood boil and he seemed to have the same effect on her. But there was one difference, she seemed to hate him but he certainly didn't hate her. He found himself checking her out more than once, even when they were arguing he couldn't help but notice that when she yelled at him her breasts move up and down, and they had definitely gone up a size the last time he had seen them.

"Fine then go," snapped Meredith. Derek had been watching her as if he was in some sort of daze or deep in thought.

"Right okay… I'm going," said Derek clumsily, thankfully she hadn't noticed him staring at her chest again.

Then before he could stop himself Derek turned so that he was standing right behind Meredith, so close that they were almost touching.

"Does he make you happy this time? He wasn't enough before, what makes you think he will be now?" he said softly.

"Fuck you," Meredith retorted, trying to sound unaffected by how close Derek was.

"Does he make you happy?" he repeated.

"He doesn't make me feel like crap," she said.

"Meredith…" Derek sighed sadly.

"No don't you 'Meredith' me," said Meredith angrily as she spun round to face him. "Just don't!"

"I'm sorry," said Derek sincerely. "I'm so sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry for all the times I hurt you."

"I'm fine!"

"I know but I'm still sorry," he said, looking at her with his sad eyes. "Please don't be bitter because of me… I didn't mean to damage you."

"I was already damaged."

"I damaged you further," said Derek sadly. "I'm sorry."

"What do you want me to say Derek?" said Meredith, getting angry again. "I forgive you, is that what you want to hear?"

"Only if it's true."

"Well I haven't," said Meredith quietly. "Not yet."

"Okay," said Derek, quietly looking in her eyes intently. Then Ella started to fuss because she was faced away from her parents and thought she was alone. "I won't be long."

"Take your time."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Looks who's back? If it isn't my favorite Dirty Mistress," said Mark.

It was Meredith's first day back at Seattle Grace, she was of course assigned to Neuro for the day, as if her life wasn't complicated enough now she had to work with Derek. She was on her way to find him to get her new patient's details.

"I'm not the dirty mistress anymore," said Meredith.

"You'll always be Derek's lusty intern to me," said Mark.

"Was there something you wanted Dr. Sloan?"

"Why are you in such a pissy mood?" said Mark bluntly. "It's a beautiful day."

"It's raining," said Meredith flatly.

"It's a metaphorically beautiful day," said Mark rolling his eyes at her.

"There was a pile up on the freeway," said Meredith.

"You need to get laid," said Mark bluntly.

"You might be right," said Meredith bitterly.

"Ah once a dirty mistress always a dirty mistress," chuckled Mark. "We should have another meeting of the dirty mistress' club, hey we can invite Stevens."

"Another meeting? Did we have a first meeting?"

"Didn't we?"

"No," said Meredith.

"Oh well we can always make up for lost time," said Mark.

"Is this another twenty minutes in the on call room and no' one needs to know offer again?"

"Another what?" said Derek coming out of a patients room overhearing what Meredith had said.

"Dr. Sloan was propositioning a first year resident," said Meredith wondering if she could get a reaction out of Derek, if Finn didn't do it Mark definitely would.

"What?!"

"I wasn't, I was just…cheering her up," said Mark a little pathetically.

"You just can't help yourself," said Derek furious.

"Oh relax it's not like he was hitting on Rose," said Meredith rolling her eyes. "I'm with Finn anyway."

"It sure didn't take you long…"

"Took you even less time," snapped Meredith.

"We weren't together…officially."

"No I was just pregnant!"

"How the hell was I supposed to know that?"

"Alright that's enough," roared the Chief overhearing Derek and Meredith arguing like six year olds in the hallway. "Derek you have surgery Go! Meredith my office now!"

-----------------------------------------

"Mer what's going on?" Cristina demanded when Meredith finally came out of the Chief's office. Meredith completely ignored her and kept walking. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to do something my mother would never do," Meredith called back.

-------------------------------------

That night as Meredith put Ella to bed she couldn't help but think about what the Chief had said to her. He had told her she was more like her mother than he had thought. He was right she was turning into her mother. She was bitter and twisted. She was deliberately trying to provoke Derek that morning with Mark. Why would she want to get a reaction from Derek? Just to prove to herself that she could. That wasn't her, she didn't play games like that. Derek was with Rose now, he didn't love her anymore and she needed to get used to that idea instead of trying to test if Derek cared about her at all. Of course he would care, they had a daughter together.

So Meredith was determined. She wasn't going to be bitter and twisty anymore. She was going to spend as much time as she possibly could with her Ella. And she was going to get along with Derek!

------------------------------------------

A WEEK LATER

Derek was standing at the nurses station updating a patient's chart, he allowed his gaze to drift over towards Meredith. Something about her had changed in the past few days, she was happier, she laughed more. She was nice to him again, she stopped acting like she hated him.

She was laughing now, he couldn't help but smile at how her entire face lit up and her eyes sparkled when she laughed now. She was more and more like the young intern he had met almost two years ago.

"Derek…Derek…Dr. Shepherd," Derek was interrupted by Rose waving her hand in front of his face and he couldn't help but feel as surge of annoyance.

"What?" he said trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

"Contractors? What do you think of this guy?" she said handing him a leaflet.

"Contractors? What is this about?" said Derek burrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

"Building on your land, remember?"

"Building on my land? What are you talking about?" said Derek genuinely having no idea what Rose was talking about.

"Don't you remember last night we were talking about moving in together and we said that if we do that we should build a house," said Rose. "I knew you weren't listening."

"Sorry I was miles away," said Derek apologetically.

"I was thinking we've been together for a while, we should think about moving in together, don't you agree?" said Rose.

"Uh yeah…sure," said Derek slowly as if he was still processing.

"And there is no point in living in the trailer, so it would be better if we built a house on your land," said Rose looking up at him hopefully. "We can design it all ourselves, it will be great…" she trailed off when she realised that Derek didn't look remotely excited in fact he looked as if he was hoping for a distraction.

"Uh I think this is a little fa…"

"And Ella would be able to stay over…I know Meredith wouldn't let her stay the night in the trailer but if we had a house, she could have her own room and everything," said Rose a little desperately.

"That is a good point," said Derek more thinking out loud than anything else. "It would be great to have her all night…"

"So we can hire a contractor?"

"I'll think about it," said Derek thoughtfully.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Derek I have a problem, can you help me?" said Meredith out of the blue.

Derek and Meredith were looking at a patient's MRI, they had been sitting in total silence except for the usual pleasantries.

"I'll certainly try," said Derek.

"It's Ella…"

"Is she alright?"

"She's fine," said Meredith. "The problem is I have to work night shift tonight but the nanny is going to visit her aunt for a few days so…"

"You want me to get someone to cover your shift, you're on Neuro rotation right?" said Derek. "You should really go through the Chief but I should be able…"

"No I don't want time off," said Meredith smiling a little at his stupidity. "I was wondering if you would look after Ella."

"But it's not my day with her," said Derek.

"Alright sorry, I just thought I would ask," said Meredith. Derek was always moaning he didn't get to see enough of Ella, and then when she offered to let him spend more time with her, he wouldn't because it wasn't his set days. There was just no pleasing some people. "I'll just have to see the Chief about switching shifts then."

"No sorry I didn't mean I wouldn't do it," said Derek hurriedly. "It's just you've never asked me to take her when it wasn't my day."

"I know," said Meredith feeling bad. "But two days isn't really enough."

"No it's not," said Derek thoughtfully.

"So you don't mind?"

"Mind? Are you kidding me? I get to have her all night," said Derek his face breaking out into a huge grin.

"Yes," said Meredith smiling at how happy Derek was. "But just to warn you, she gets up at least three times a night and her nappies are not pleasant at four in the morning."

"I don't care," he said. "So what time?"

"I'll drop her off around six," said Meredith. "I'll pick her up at ten tomorrow."

"I could keep her tomorrow too if you want, I don't have a surgery until six and it will let you get some sleep," said Derek eagerly.

"Are you sure?"

"She's my daughter of course I'm sure."

"Well alright then…" said Meredith apprehensively.

"Seriously?"

"Yes," said Meredith. "I'll pack her all her things for you."

"You mean…you don't mind her staying at the trailer?"

"Well…I admit it's not ideal but…it's a very nice trailer," said Meredith. "She'll be staying with you overnight when she's older anyway."

"I didn't think you would want her in the trailer."

"She'll be fine just…don't psychologically damage her okay? I mean…the trailer is basically one room and even if she's asleep…" rambled Meredith.

"Oh don't worry," said Derek finally getting what Meredith meant. She was telling him not to have sex in the same room as their sleeping baby, as if he really had to be told that. "Two people sleeping in the trailer is more than enough."

"Right…sorry," said Meredith looking away awkwardly.

"Especially if Ella takes after her mother in more than just looks," said Derek casually as he pretended to be examining the patient's films.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean she's a baby I can't sleep in the hammock outside if she starts snoring so loud she makes the trailer move."

"That is such an exaggeration," squealed Meredith slapping him in the shoulder.

"No it's not, seriously for someone so small you can make a hell of a lot of noise," laughed Derek.

"I thought it was 'adorable' that such a big noise could come from such a little person," Meredith teased.

"It was, it is," said Derek then he cleared his throat awkwardly. "I'm sure Finn thinks the same."

"I'm sure I'll find out," said Meredith looking away.

"hmmm," said Derek watching her out of the corner of his eye. She hadn't slept with Finn yet, Derek knew it was wrong but he couldn't help but feel elated. It was probably just because of the whole 'dating' competition that happened last year, Derek told himself, it was just Finn he didn't like he wouldn't be jealous of any man that went out of Meredith. It was just Finn!

------------------------------------------------

"Derek will you look at some these tonight?" said Rose. Derek had just finished his shift and was going to go and get the trailer ready for Ella. Rose was shoving papers into his hand.

"What are these?" he said completely confused.

"Just a few little designs for the house and some contractors numbers," she said eagerly.

"Designs?" said Derek then he remembered what they had talked about the day before. "Oh right…Good news I don't have to build a house on the land, Meredith doesn't mind Ella staying at the trailer. She's staying tonight."

"Is that the only reason you wanted to build a house?" said Rose not able to keep the hurt out of her voice.

"Well…yeah I wanted Ella to stay and she can so…" said Derek then he saw the look on Rose's face. "I will build on it one day…but not yet."

"Right well obviously I was wrong," huffed Rose. "I thought you wanted to move our relationship on a level, I thought it would be a fresh start for us…"

"A fresh start?"

"Yes a way to move all from Meredith fucking Grey and her springing a kid on you. How are we meant to start a family when you want to live in a trailer?"

"Start a family?" said Derek completely lost by now.

"You need to think about us and what you want Derek," said Rose tearfully. "I don't think I should come over tonight, we can talk tomorrow over breakfast."

"Uh…I have Ella tomorrow."

"Can't her mother look after her for one day?" Rose snapped.

"I offered," said Derek defensively.

"Whatever, I suppose we can talk with her there then," said Rose grudgingly.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Do you remember when we were thirteen and we went to the skater park to meet Mandy Scavo?" said Derek. He had just finished his surgery and gone to Joe's, he found Mark there and sat on the stool next to him.

"Mandy Scavo? Wow that was long time ago." Said Mark.

"I should never have went to that skater park, it would have saved a hell of a lot of trouble," said Derek downing the scotch Joe had put in front of him.

"Women trouble?" said Mark knowingly.

"Yeah you could say that," said Derek. "I have just had the day from hell."

"What's happened? Rose caught you doing Grey in the OR?"

"Nope," said Derek. "But thanks again for your sensitivity."

"You didn't sit here for sensitive conversation," said Mark. "Tell me what happened."

"Well it's just been horrible since I got woken up at 4am by Ella, then she wouldn't go back to sleep so I got her ready and took her for a walk. But I lost track of time and forgot I said I would meet Rose to talk about 'our relationship'…"

"Oh one of those talks," said Mark knowingly.

"Yeah," said Derek indicating to Joe to bring him another drink. "So I was about an hour late for that, she made breakfast it had gone cold. Then when we sat down to talk Ella needed to be fed again, so Rose flounced out. I just caught up with her at the hospital and had the most bizarre conversation I have ever had."

"About what?"

"Babies," said Derek downing another scotch. "She wants to have kids like yesterday. With me. Ella is barely three months old and she wants to have a kid, I live in a trailer…she wants to build a house on _my_ land. I don't know what I want to build on that land, but Rose…she has her own Barbie dream house planned out. Why does she want to have a kid now? We've only been together for like…a year and a bit. A baby, seriously!"

"Of course she wants a kid, you're spermtastic!"

"Thank you," said Derek sarcastically. "You really are big help."

"Relax just tell her you're not ready to have kids yet," said Mark as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"How can I tell her I'm not ready for kids when I have Ella?" said Derek in an 'you're so stupid' voice.

"Ella was an accident, wasn't she? You didn't plan knock Grey up right before you dumped her, did you?"

"No we didn't plan to have Ella," sighed Derek. "But it was the best thing I ever did."

"Then have a kid with the nurse."

"I don't want to have kid with Rose," said Derek frustrated.

"You're just going to have to stall her or something," chuckled Mark. "Have you never heard of get laid and leave?"

"No I'm a human being."

"Hey you could just buy a house and move in there with the nurse…"

"Will you stop calling her that?" snapped Derek.

"Fine Rose whatever, buy a house move in there with her and keep your precious land," said Mark.

"It's not just that," sighed Derek running his hands through his hair. "Rose really isn't the person I thought she was. Ever since Ella was born, she's been…I don't know different."

"Well your ex shows up with your kid, you can't expect her to just shrug and be alright about it straight away."

"That's surprisingly deep coming from you."

"I have incredible depth these days," said Mark arrogantly.

"I'm sure you do," chuckled Derek. "Anyway she's different, she won't hold Ella, she badmouths Meredith at any opportunity and she constantly bitches that I spend too much time with Ella. I only see her two days a week!"

"Dump her!"

"What?"

"Dump her! Cut her loose!"

"I can't do that," said Derek. "Everything that has happened…I can't expect everything to be how it was."

"She hates your baby, tell her to hit the road!"

"She doesn't hate her…she couldn't hate Ella, she's too sweet she's always smiling and so happy all the time…"

"Oh I'm going to gag," said Mark rolling his eyes. "I get it the baby is cute and sweet and we love her, alright?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do," sighed Derek.

"Get drunk and be merry."

"For once you have you have a point," said Derek holding his drink up. "Cheers."

"Cheers."

--------------------------------------

"Someone looks like hell," said Meredith when she spotted Derek in the parking lot the next morning.

"I feel like it too," Derek groaned.

"Late night?"

"Uh…no I don't think so," he said. "I woke up on the hammock and found Mark asleep next to the lake this morning."

"Ah big boys night out."

"Actually we spent the most the night crying into our scotch, it was pitiful really."

"Sounds like fun," laughed Meredith. "Anything in particular you were crying about?"

"Just having a few problems."

"You want to talk about it?"

"We're friends now?" asked Derek pleasantly surprised.

"Yeah why not? Is that okay?"

"Yeah that is more than okay," said Derek smiling. "Although when you think about the last time we were 'friends'…"

"There will be no sex in any exam room this time…we have a daughter now, we're adults," said Meredith too quickly and her voice too squeaky.

"We're adults…consenting adults," said Derek watching Meredith with his McDreamy stare.

"Oh shut up," laughed Meredith. "And stop looking at me like that!"

"Like what?" asked Derek his lips twitching.

"You know like what!"

"Sorry," said Derek holding his hands up. "I didn't realise me looking at you, offended you so much."

"It doesn't…just stop looking at me at me like you've seen me naked."

"But I have."

"So stop looking at me like…"

"Like I'm undressing you with my mind?" said Derek surprised at his own daring.

"Yes!"

"Sorry, I can't help it," he shrugged.

"You're in a very strange mood today," said Meredith suspiciously.

"I must still be drunk."

"Drink plenty of coffee before you operate then."

"Thanks for the advice," said Derek. "I have a craniotomy at seven, you wanna scrub in?"

"Yeah thanks," said Meredith getting off the elevator. "See you then."

"Bye," said Derek giving her one last lingering look.

--------------------------------------------------

"I need your help now," said Derek pushing Mark into a closet.

"Uh…I don't swing that way," smirked Mark.

"Shut up," said Derek. "I'm serious."

"Alright what have you done?" sighed Mark.

"Why do you assume I have done something?"

"Because you look guilty…I have a facial reconstruction in ten minutes, you've got three."

"I spoke to Meredith this morning…"

"The clock is ticking."

"I flirted with her…we flirted a lot," said Derek. "I was checking her out, she noticed."

"I fail to see what the problem is," said Mark. "Did you get a hard on and the nurse spotted it?"

"Do you have to be vulgar?" snapped Derek.

"I'm right though aren't I?"

"No," said Derek. "Rose thankfully didn't see anything."

"You need help," said Mark patting Derek on the shoulders.

"You were supposed to help," Derek called after him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"What are you doing here? Your shift finished six hours ago," said Mark.

"I know," sighed Meredith. "But Derek is in surgery and I told him he could have Ella as soon as he finished but I only just managed to get away so it didn't make much sense to go home for an hour so I thought I would just let Ella see her first brain surgery."

"Right," said Mark. "He's on OR 2."

"Thanks," said Meredith walking off in the direction of the gallery.

"Oh by the way his mother is in town," Mark whispered after her, she didn't hear. "Oh well I tried!"

* * *

"Hey Mer, you're still here," said Izzie looking up from her charts.

"Yeah it wasn't really worth going home," she shrugged placing Ella on her knee.

As soon as Ella spotted Derek down in the OR she clapped her little hands, and squealed in delight.

"Awww how sweet," cooed Izzie.

"Sickening more like," Meredith grumbled. "She never reacts like that to me. Such a Daddy's girl!"

"Uh looks like its mutual," said Izzie.

Down in the OR Derek had heard Ella squealing and clapping and looked up, his face broke into a huge smile when he saw her.

"You know just once I'd like her to clap when I walk into the room…I gave birth!" moaned Meredith.

"Oh come on it's so sweet when you see both of them together," gushed Izzie.

"I know," said Meredith stroking the top of Ella's head. "It is adorable."

"So how are things with Finn?" asked Izzie.

"Over," said Meredith flatly. "I just…I don't feel what I'm supposed to feel for Finn."

"This isn't about McDreamy is it?" groaned Izzie.

"No this has nothing to do with Derek," said Meredith.

"And why would it?" came a snide voice from the back of the gallery.

"Oh…Rose sorry didn't see you there," said Izzie smiling awkwardly.

"Yeah, I'm sure you didn't," said Rose sarcastically.

"What's her problem?" Izzie muttered to Meredith.

"No idea," Meredith murmured.

"Oh Meredith that reminds me, would you mind terribly if Derek and I didn't take Ella today, we wanted at least one day to ourselves," said Rose sweetly.

"No that's fine, as long as it's alright with Derek," said Meredith trying to pretend that she wasn't bothered that Derek would rather spend time with the woman he chose over her than their daughter.

"Thanks," said Rose in a sickly sweet voice.

"Did you think to run that past Derek, because I know he was looking forward to taking his daughter to the park this afternoon?" said the older woman sitting next to Rose.

"I don't need to run it past him, trust me he will be relieved," said Rose waving her hand dismissively. "It's will also give us time to get to know each other, it's best all round if Ella stays at home."

"Well that's more than disappointing since the only reason I flew out here was to meet my granddaughter," said the woman. "So I think I'll just go and see my son for a moment."

"Granddaughter?" Izzie mouthed to Meredith.

"Hello you must be Meredith, I'm Linda Shepherd, Derek's mother," said the woman holding out her hand to Meredith.

"Oh…Hi I'm Meredith Grey," said Meredith her voice squeakier than normal.

"It's lovely to meet you Meredith," said Linda. "And this must be Ella, she has changed since the photo's Derek sent me last month."

"Uh…yeah she's pretty much changing every day," said Meredith.

"She looks just like my daughters did at this age," said Linda fondly. "Would you mind sticking around for a bit? I think Rosie may have got her wires crossed, I for one wanted to meet my granddaughter today."

"No it's fine, I can go and talk to Derek if you want," said Meredith. "I need to discuss something else with him anyway."

"Great," muttered Rose.

"Em…do you want to hold her while I do that?" Meredith asked uncertainly as she glanced at Izzie.

"Yes that would be lovely," said Linda taking Ella from Meredith. "Oh she's gorgeous!"

* * *

"Hey can I talk to you for a second?" Meredith asked hesitantly once it was only her and Derek left in the scrub room.

"Sure," said Derek. "About what? Where's Ella?"

"She's with Izzie and…your mother."

"Oh right sorry I meant to tell you she was coming into town but it was all a little last minute," said Derek apologetically.

"It's fine you don't have to explain anything to me," said Meredith.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Do you think I'm leaving Ella with you too often?" she blurted out.

"What? No where is this coming from? I love spending time with Ella, you know that if anything I wish I could see more of her," said Derek genuinely surprised that Meredith would even think that. "I feel like I'm missing out on so much already, I really appreciate the extra time you let me have with her."

"Then why would you make me bring her here straight after your shift, only to cancel?"

"Cancel? Meredith what are you talking about?"

"Up in the gallery, Rose said you didn't want to take Ella today because you wanted your Mother to get to know Rose better," said Meredith quickly before she lost her nerve. "And this isn't the only time that's happened, last Wednesday Rose called and said you didn't want to look after her then either."

"What?" said Derek this eyes flashing in anger. "Rose told me you and Finn were taking her to the circus so I couldn't have her."

"Finn? We broke up last night," said Meredith before she could stop herself.

"Really? Why?"

"None of your business!" snapped Meredith, irritated by the knowing smirk on Derek's face.

"Right…of course it isn't," said Derek who couldn't help but smile a little knowing that Finn was gone, hopefully for good this time.

"I don't know what is going on, but you need to sort it out because you can't keep making plans and breaking them," said Meredith. "Now did you want to have Ella this afternoon or not because I have better things to do than wait around this place?"

"Yes I want to have her," said Derek. "I'm taking her to swing park."

"Well…alright," said Meredith calming down. "Just be careful with her."

"I'm not going to put her on the swings, she's three months old!" exclaimed Derek. "She likes the bright colors and all the noise."

"Right…okay," said Meredith. "I'll just be going then, drop her off before six?"

"Okay," said Derek. "And don't worry I'll clear up any misunderstandings."

"Thank you."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"Derek what are you doing here?" said Meredith. She had been up almost all night with Ella, who had started to teeth. She finally dropped back off to sleep when she had been woken up by Derek ringing the doorbell.

"Did I wake you?" said Derek even though it was obvious that he had.

Meredith was wearing pajama pants and her Dartmouth sweater, her hair was sticking up at odd angles and she was squinting her eyes to adjust to the light, quite adorably in Derek's opinion.

"Yes," she sighed.

"Sorry I thought you would both be awake at ten thirty," said Derek apologetically. It was only then he noticed how tired Meredith had been looking, she was doing a lot, looking after Ella and being a surgical resident were both full time jobs. "I brought breakfast."

"No I'm sorry, come in," said Meredith. "Quietly! I just got Ella back to sleep."

"Is she alright?" asked Derek worriedly as he followed Meredith into the kitchen.

"I think she's teething, she was up all night," said Meredith. She banged her knee on the counter as she attempted to get to the coffee maker. "Owwww!"

"Here let me," said Derek taking Meredith's arm and guiding her to a seat. "I'll make the coffee."

"Didn't you mention something about breakfast too," said Meredith hopefully. She had only just realised how hungry she was, rocking Ella to sleep all night was hungry work.

"Bagel, just the way you like it," laughed Derek tossing her the paper bag in his hand.

"Thank you," said Meredith as she eagerly tucked in.

"Here's your coffee," said Derek placing a steaming mug in her hand.

"Thank you, you're a lifesaver," she said gratefully.

"So Ella's teething, it's a little early for that," said Derek sitting down across from Meredith.

"Yeah but it's not that unusual for her to start teething at three months," said Meredith. "She's advanced."

"Do you need any help? I mean you must be exhausted, I could help," said Derek.

"No it's fine," sighed Meredith. "I'm used to getting almost no sleep anyway."

"Are you sure? I don't mind," said Derek.

"I'm sure, Ella will probably just sleep all day anyway," said Meredith. "Could you stay here for ten minutes so I can run to the pharmacy?"

"Sure," said Derek. "Why do you need to go to the pharmacy?"

"Ella has a fever," she explained.

"How high?"

"Not too high, but enough."

"You stay here then, I'll go and get it," said Derek getting to his feet again.

"I can do it," said Meredith defensively.

"I'm a brain surgeon I think I can manage to pick up something for a fever," said Derek his eyes twinkling in amusement.

"Okay," said Meredith sipping her coffee. "Thanks."

"Do you want anything else from the store?"

"No I'm good, thanks," said Meredith.

------------------------------------------

"Oh you can't be serious Ella," groaned Meredith as she paced up and down the kitchen rocking a screaming Ella back and forth. "Aren't you tired honey?"

"Hey who is making all that noise," said Derek coming in the back door, he dropped the bag with the medicine on the table and held out his arms. "Can I?"

"Sure," shrugged Meredith handing him Ella.

Ella quieted down almost immediately, she snuggled into Derek's chest and curled her chubby little fist round his index finger, her screaming turned into sniffles and light wailing.

"Traitor," Meredith muttered. "Such a Daddy's girl."

"Sometimes she just needs her Daddy," smiled Derek kissing the top of Ella's head. "Don't you sweetheart?"

"Well you might have been useful last night, nothing I tried would work," Meredith grumbled. "You wanna give her the medicine?"

"Sure," said Derek taking the spoon from Meredith.

"So did you come over for something besides reminding me that our daughter likes you so much better than me?" said Meredith as she watching Derek rock Ella gently to sleep.

"She doesn't like me better than you," Derek laughed softly.

"Sure she doesn't," Meredith laughed.

"I did actually come here for something else," said Derek. "About yesterday…"

"How is your mother? Did she get along with Ella?" asked Meredith.

"She's fine, she's having brunch with Mark today. She loved Ella, of course she did she's her Granddaughter," said Derek. "I meant about what we talked about yesterday, the cancelled dates and stuff."

"Oh right," said Meredith feeling a sense of dread wash over her. She was dreading the conversation, what if Derek said Rose was right and he didn't want to spend any extra time with Ella? What would she do if that was true, she was already struggling to juggle her life as it was and she didn't want Ella spending anymore time with the nanny than necessary, she wanted Ella to be raised by people that loved her.

"You were right, it was completely unacceptable. I had no idea Rose was telling you I couldn't take Ella when I clearly could and I apologise, you have my word it won't happen again," said Derek sincerely.

"Right that's okay…thanks for clearing that up," said Meredith.

"No it's not okay," said Derek. "I feel awful. I really want to help more with Ella…"

"You help more than enough," Meredith insisted. "You don't mind babysitting with hardly any notice and you understand the weird hours I have to do, so you're more than understanding."

"Babysit? She's my daughter," said Derek incredulously. "I miss her when I have to give her back, so seriously anytime I'm not at work I can take her, okay?"

"Okay," smiled Meredith, it was so cute how much Derek clearly loved Ella. He loved her as much as Meredith did and she could completely understand how much he would miss her. Meredith hated it whenever she had to go to work and leave Ella, and only now she realised that it was exactly the same for Derek only more so because he spent less time with her than Meredith did.

"Anyway that was what I wanted to say," said Derek.

"So…uh you sorted it all out with Rose because I get the impression she thinks Ella is in your way all the time," said Meredith knowing she shouldn't really ask about Rose, but she couldn't help it she was curious.

"Rose won't be a problem anymore," sighed Derek. "I'm pretty sure we won't make it past this."

"Oh…I'm sorry to hear that," said Meredith sounding sincere.

"I'm not," said Derek smiling. "She never really took to Ella, and to be honest I saw a side of her I really didn't like."

"Oh right…well if you need to talk I'm here," said Meredith awkwardly. "I mean we're friends right?"

"Yeah we're friends," said Derek. "But really I'm fine about it."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"How is Ella?" asked Linda to Derek the next day at the hospital. She was due to fly back to New York that afternoon but had wanted another look round Seattle Grace.

"Her temperature went down last night and when I left she had managed to get back to sleep," said Derek. "Her first tooth is coming in."

"Poor little thing," said Linda sympathetically. "How did she sleep last night?"

"I don't know," said Derek sadly. "I couldn't get through to Meredith this morning on the phone."

"Oh well she would have called if there was a problem," said Linda. She could tell Derek was missing Ella, and hated not being there when she wasn't well, Derek wasn't the kind of person who could deal with being a part time parent well. She knew that when Derek finished work all he wanted to do was go home to his baby.

"Yeah," said Derek, then he spotted Bailey down the hallway. "Can you hold on a second Mom?"

"Sure," said Linda.

"Bailey, is Meredith in yet?" Derek asked.

"She came in and I sent her home," said Bailey barely glancing up from her paperwork.

"Why did you send her home?" asked Derek worried that something was wrong with Ella.

"That stupid girl was about to collapse in the OR," said Bailey.

"Why?"

"Do I look like her mother to you?" Bailey demanded. "She was exhausted and she has the flu, she was in no state to do anything useful."

"Is she alright?"

"A few days in bed and she'll be fine," said Bailey. "Now can I get on with some work now?"

"Right…sorry," said Derek.

"Is everything alright?" asked Linda when she saw the look on Derek's face.

"Meredith's been sent home sick with the flu and exhaustion," he said worriedly. "All her friends are working and I can't cancel my surgery…"

"I'll go and make sure everything is alright," said Linda knowing that Derek would just worry. "Write down the address and call me a cab."

"Thank you Mom," said Derek scribbling down Meredith's address. "But your flight?"

"I'll get a flight tonight instead," said Linda. "Besides it'll be nice to see my new granddaughter again before I leave."

"Thank you," said Derek. "Meredith will try to tell you she is fine, but don't listen to her 'fine' always means she is anything but."

"I can handle it," said Linda.

----------------------------------------

"Hi Mom how is Meredith?" Derek called his mother as soon as he got out of surgery.

"She's asleep," said Linda. "You were right she is the worst patient I have ever had, I almost had to tackle her to get her to even lie down."

"At least you got her to take a nap," said Derek. "I'll be over in half an hour."

"Are you done already?"

"Yeah I took the rest of the day off and bumped my surgeries for the next few days," said Derek. "How is Ella?"

"She's been an absolute angel," said Linda fondly. "She looks like she's about to go for a nap soon."

"Yeah she normally sleeps around now," said Derek. "See you soon Mom."

----------------------------------------

"I do not need to be babysat," said Meredith furiously when Derek arrived at her house.

"You're awake," smiled Derek. "Did you have a good sleep?"

"I am perfectly capable of looking after myself," said Meredith. "I have always looked after myself." She was standing on her the porch with a duvet wrapped around her, almost covering her face, glaring at Derek.

"I know you are perfectly capable of looking after yourself," said Derek guiding her back inside. "But my mother is the best person in the world to have around when you feel ill."

"I don't feel ill," said Meredith stubbornly.

"Of course you don't," said Derek. "You're shivering, the house is four thousand degrees and you have a two blankets on."

"It's cold," said Meredith defensively.

"You have a fever," said Derek feeling her forehead. "Where is the thermometer?"

"Right here," said Linda coming into the living room with the thermometer. "I tried but she won't let me take her temperature and I don't know her well enough to do it by force."

"I'm fine," Meredith protested.

"Of course you are," said Linda handing Meredith a cup of tea. "You need to keep your fluids up."

"Thank you," said Meredith taking the cup gratefully. "But really I'm fine."

"I'm sure you are," said Linda. "I should really be going, I have to be at the airport in an hour."

"Right," said Meredith. "Thank you for everything."

"It's no problem dear," said Linda. "But I want you to promise you will send me pictures of my adorable granddaughter every month, Derek is sloppy and sometimes forgets."

"I promise," said Meredith.

"Alright," said Linda. "Keep in touch Meredith."

"You too," said Meredith.

"Mark is on his way to take you to the airport," said Derek. "Do try and be nice to him."

"I don't know what you mean," said Linda pretending to be oblivious.

"I mean don't yell at him the whole journey to settle down and keep it in his pants," said Derek.

"He is going to be forty next year, it is time he set on one woman," said Linda. "It's for his own good."

"Forty? Really?" said Meredith inquisitively. "How old are you Derek?"

"None of your business," said Derek his eyes twinkling in amusement. "He's happy, just cut him some slack alright."

"You're right," said Linda. "When are you going to settle down and get married again? I certainly hope Ella won't be an only child forever."

"I take it back," said Derek. "Mark deserves this chat more than me, he slept with a nurse this afternoon on the on call room."

"Now dear no' one likes a tattle tale," Linda chastised. "And you can hardly talk about getting treats from nurses."

"Mom…"

"What?" said Linda. "Oh please Derek, you were married for eleven years and you have a daughter, I think I worked out the fact that you're no longer a virgin."

"Mom…"

"Now be a good boy and get bags from the kitchen," said Linda. "I think I can hear Mark pulling into the drive."

"Okay," said Derek then he spotted Meredith giggling to herself on the sofa. "It's not funny." He hissed at her.

"She kicked your ass," Meredith giggled. "You're such a big Mommy's boy!"

"He always has been," said Linda.

"You ready to go Mom?" Mark called peeking his head in the front door.

"Yes Derek is bringing the bags to the car," said Linda. "Bye Meredith, it was lovely to meet you."

"You too," said Meredith.

"Alright the bags are in the car," said Derek coming back into the house. "I'll call you tomorrow Mom."

"Make sure you do," said Linda hugging Derek, she whispered into his ear. "And take care of that girl."

"I will," he said kissing her cheek.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

TEN DAYS LATER

"Good morning," said Derek. He had been staying at Meredith's house while she had the flu, to look after Ella. He took coffee into Meredith's bedroom, carrying a gurgling Ella in his arms.

"Good morning," yawned Meredith stretching. "Thank you."

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Much better," she said.

"Enough to go back to work, Richard is on the phone wondering when we will be back at work," said Derek.

"You could go back to work," said Meredith. "I'm not that sick now, I can look after Ella."

"So you get to lie around here and watch daytime TV, while I have to go to work," said Derek making a face. "I don't think so."

"But I'm still sick," Meredith whined. "Tell the chief I'm sick."

"You're not sick," said Derek firmly.

"But I can go back to work tomorrow."

"Alright, you can have a sick day," said Derek slowly. "As long as I can too."

"What?"

"Well I don't feel like going to work today either," said Derek placing Ella in Meredith's lap. "So I will tell the chief you're sick if you tell him you can't possibly cope without help today, and we can watch daytime TV and eat ice cream today."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," said Derek who had had a great time looking after Meredith and Ella for the past week and a half, not that Meredith would admit that she had needed his help.

"Alright," said Meredith smiling at the thought of having a lazy day at home. "But you have to phone the Chief and tell him we'll be at work tomorrow."

"Alright," laughed Derek reaching for his cell phone, then it suddenly started to ring. "I'll uh just use the other phone," he said awkwardly looking round.

"Here it is," said Meredith rolling her eyes and handing him the phone on the bedside table. "Are you still avoiding Rose?"

"Yes," said Derek dialing.

"It's not healthy to avoid these things," Meredith called after him as he took the phone into the hallway.

"Yeah cause you've never avoided anything have you?" Derek laughed. "Hi Richard it's Derek, yeah Meredith is feeling a little better but she won't make it in to work today. We'll both be in work tomorrow morning…Yeah okay, thanks bye."

"What did he say?" asked Meredith.

"He said we better be in tomorrow and he hopes you feel better soon," said Derek.

"So…"

"So? We have the day off and neither of us are sick…what do we do?" said Meredith.

"We have breakfast," said Derek cheerfully. "What do you want?"

"Just coffee for me."

"You have to eat."

"Fine I'll have some eggs then."

"Coming up," said Derek.

"I'm just going to jump in the shower before all the daytime television starts," said Meredith getting out of bed.

"Alright," said Derek. "Just call if you need me to scrub your back."

"Very funny."

-----------------------------------------

That afternoon Derek was sitting on the sofa watching some soap opera on TV, rocking Ella's bouncy chair with his foot, she was sleeping soundly. Meredith was slouched on the other side of the sofa asleep also, she was positioned so that if she moved her head even slightly it would be resting on his shoulder. Derek poked her shoulder with his index finger just to see how deeply she was sleeping, she didn't give any indication that she had felt it. So Derek gently tugged on her arm until her head flopped to the side and then he carefully guided her head to his shoulder, instinctively she seemed to respond. She snuggled her head into his neck and her arm flopped round his waist. Derek leaned back so that Meredith was in a more comfortable position, all the while still rocking Ella in her chair.

Derek sat there quite content to have Meredith and Ella so close. For a minute he closed his eyes and imagined it was real, he imagined that it was just an ordinary day off and Meredith had fallen asleep in his arms. He closed his eyes and imagined they were a proper family. After a few minutes he was surprised to find he didn't want to open his eyes and remember that it was just a fantasy. What really amazed him was the strong longing he felt when he realised he could smell Meredith's lavender conditioner quite clearly in her hair? Ever since Ella was born Derek hadn't allowed himself to think about what could have been. What would have happened if he had just kept his mouth shut about Rose the night Meredith told him she was pregnant? Would they have given their relationship another chance? Would they still be together? Would they have built that house on his land?

But he didn't have long to think about it before Meredith started to stir, she opened her eyes looked around and then realised the position she was in. She pulled away from Derek, yawning.

"Sorry," she said.

"Don't be," said Derek. "Did you enjoy your nap?"

"I did, I enjoyed it very much," said Meredith. "Sorry for using you as a pillow."

"Happy to be of some use," said Derek.

"You know what we need now?" said Meredith with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Uh…what?" said Derek wondering if she had read his mind and was going to drag him upstairs and have her wicked way with him.

"Ice cream," said Meredith getting to her feet and going into the kitchen, Derek got up and followed her.

"You still snore, you know?" said Derek as he watched Meredith get them both spoons. He loved the way she moved, so comfortable but elegant at the same time.

"And you obviously still watch me while I sleep," said Meredith.

"You're very, very cute when you're asleep," said Derek softly.

He walked up behind Meredith and spun her round to face him, their bodies pressed against each other. Meredith hesitantly looked up at him and the look in his eyes was unmistakable, she grabbed a fist full of his sweater at the stomach. She was tempted, she could just pull him down to her and then…she wouldn't be able to think it was wrong if they did kiss, she would lose all self control if he kissed her. Derek leaned his head down and gently brushed his lips against hers.

"Derek, we can't…" Meredith sighed sadly.

"We can."

"No we can't," she said. "When we do things get messy and…we can't have complicated anymore, it has to be simple and easy so that means just friends…no exceptions, no drunken mistakes. Just friends!"

"Okay," said Derek taking a step back. He pressed a kiss to her forehead to let her know that everything was alright. "I'm sorry." He looked round and then grabbed two bowls from the open dishwasher.

"What are you doing?" said Meredith.

"Uh…getting bowls."

"Oh no that is not how we eat ice cream in this house," she grinned, grabbing two tubs of ice cream from the freezer.

"What if I want some of yours," Derek pouted.

"Then you do this," said Meredith taking her spoon and dunking it in Derek's tub then eating it. "Can Mommy's boy handle that?"

"I can do that," said Derek McDreamily. "And anymore Mommy's boy remarks and…"

"And what?" Meredith challenged.

"And I will have to punish you," said Derek.

"Ooohhh what's Mommy's boy going to do?" she teased.

"Tickle you till you cry," said Derek placing the ice cream on the counter.

"No Derek don't you dare," squealed Meredith running from the living room.

----------------------------------------

"Here you go," said Derek. It was their first day back at work Meredith had just walked into the hospital and Derek had handed her a cup of coffee.

"What is this? More fluids," groaned Meredith. "I'm fine now."

"It's coffee," said Derek rolling his eyes. "Although if you don't want it…"

"No I'm sorry," said Meredith keeping it out of his reach. "I'm going to need as much of this as I can get."

"I thought you might," smirked Derek. "You're back on my rotation today."

"Oh lucky me, like I don't see enough of you as it is," Meredith teased.

"Who are you kidding? You can't get enough of me," Derek teased back.

"Derek I need to talk to you in private," Rose called as she tried to catch up with them.

"We don't need to talk, there is nothing to say," sighed Derek. "It's over."

"Derek…" Rose protested.

"No I told you before. You made me choose between you and spending time with my daughter, I chose her and I will choose her every time," said Derek his eyes glinting in anger. "So while we may have had a good thing once, but it's gone. I hope this won't affect our working relationship."

"I'm pregnant!"


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"Say something," said Rose desperately. Derek had just been staring at her with his mouth hanging open.

"I…wh…I mean…how did that happen?" said Derek completely astounded.

"Do you need a biology lesson?" smiled Rose. "It's great news isn't it? Our own little baby."

"I'll just…go upstairs," said Meredith awkwardly, trying to ignore her racing heart and rising panic in her throat. "I'll see you in surgery."

"Meredith…I…" said Derek trying to find the words to say to make her not hate him, but he was still in shock. But before he could say anything else, Meredith had disappeared into the elevator.

"I know it's a bit of a shock, but when you think about it…it's perfect. We were going to build a house on your land anyway…of course it will be nice for Ella to have a little brother or sister," said Rose happily. "I know I was silly about your involvement with her and I'm sorry, this solves all our problems."

"I…I need to think, will you meet me in my office in two hours after I finish my first surgery," stuttered Derek almost as if he was in a daze.

"Of course," beamed Rose. "We'll have to call your mother."

"Okay…I'll see you then," said Derek looking at her like she had just suggested blowing up the hospital.

"See you," said Rose kissing him. "I love you."

----------------------------------------

"You gave your surgery to Summers," said Meredith. She had found Derek standing looking out over the ferry boats.

"Why aren't you in there with him?" asked Derek.

"I gave it to Izzie," said Meredith. "I wanted to make sure you were alright…I can go if you want?"

"No I'm sorry," sighed Derek. "I'm okay."

"Do you want to talk?" asked Meredith. "I can't say that I'll help much, but I'll listen."

"Why would you want to do that?" asked Derek. "My ex-girlfriend is pregnant with my baby, talk about history repeating itself."

"Well you looked out for me last week, the least I can do is listen," said Meredith. She didn't really want to hear about Rose and Derek but he had been really great to her when was ill, she owed him.

"Really?"

"Really," said Meredith firmly. "Tell me what happened!"

"She's excited," said Derek flatly.

"Well that's only natural," said Meredith. "Most people are excited when they find out they're pregnant."

"But I'm not," said Derek. "I can't think of anything worse right now. I don't mean…I love Ella more than anything, you know that and there are worse things than having another child. I don't doubt I would love them just as much…it's just…I'm still getting used to having Ella and now another baby that I will only get to see two days a week…"

"Unless you and Rose try again," said Meredith hesitantly.

"No, that's not going to happen," said Derek firmly. "I won't be with someone who tries to stop me seeing my daughter. Staying together for the sake of a child never works anyway."

"It's no way to bring a child into the world," Meredith murmured, remembering how she felt when she had Ella.

"No it's not," said Derek running his hands through his hair.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to support whatever she decides to do," he sighed. "What else can I do?"

"You might want to make sure it's not just a scare," said Meredith hesitantly. "I took about twenty tests to be sure."

"That's a good idea," said Derek. "The timing is a bit convenient, she wanted a baby, she begged me to try for one the night we broke up."

"I never said she was lying," said Meredith cautiously. "I just suggested…"

"Thanks," said Derek interrupting her. "I'll see you later."

----------------------------------------

Derek was pacing up and down his office, when Rose arrived. She walked over to him and tried to kiss him again, he pulled away and sat behind his desk.

"So…" said Rose anxiously. "Should we just do it?"

"Just do what?" asked Derek solemnly.

"Get married," said Rose. "It seems like the right thing to do, we love each other and we're having a baby. It's only logical right?"

"What?"

"That's why you wanted to wait till now to see me, and you gave your surgery to Summers…you were planning to ask weren't you?"

"No," said Derek incredulously. "I was thinking."

"Oh…okay…about what?"

"What do you mean? About what? You saying you are pregnant," said Derek starting to get irritated.

"Oh…but you love kids," said Rose stupidly. "You said you wanted more kids."

"Yes but not now, with you!"

"Derek what are you saying?" asked Rose tears springing to her eyes.

"Look we don't have to worry about this until we're sure," sighed Derek.

"What are you talking about?"

"Will you do another test for me?" he asked. "Home tests are one hundred percent reliable. I have a resident ready and waiting to do a sonogram, she will be very discreet and then we can talk properly."

"Resident?" said Rose snidely. "Let me guess Meredith Grey?"

"No," said Derek sharply. "Dr. Bailey has kindly offered to do it, unless you have any objections?"

"Uh…no of course I don't," said Rose firmly. "Do you not believe me?"

"Like I said home pregnancy tests aren't foolproof," said Derek. "Dr. Bailey is waiting."

"Lead the way."

------------------------------------------

"I'm sorry," said Dr. Bailey. "But it appears that you are not in fact pregnant."

"What?" whispered Rose as Derek sighed in relief. "But I…are you sure?"

"I'm positive," said Bailey sensitively. "It looks like it was just a little scare."

"Could I have miscarried?"

"No," said Bailey. "You were never pregnant."

"I can't believe this," said Rose crying. "I swear the test was positive."

"I'm sure it was," said Derek kindly. "But this is good news."

"How is this good news?"

"We broke up," said Derek. "Bringing another child into a broken relationship…well it wouldn't be good for the child, would it?"

"You mean we're still broken up?" asked Rose.

"Rose," said Derek sternly. "Did you do this on purpose?"

"No," said Rose unconvincingly.

"We weren't right together," said Derek softly. "We had fun and some good times together but…we were never going to be forever, it just wasn't right."

"Everything was fine before Meredith showed up again," spat Rose.

"I am not having this argument with you again," said Derek. "You don't have any idea what you put me through this morning, do you?"

"What about what you've put me through with that whore and her little brat than could be anyone's for all you know?"

"Goodbye Rose," said Derek firmly. "Get some help."

"You are one lucky moron," said Bailey once they had left Rose in the exam room. "Do you have any idea how lucky you are that that girl is not knocked up?"

"Yes I know."

"Maybe you could try keeping it in your pants," she snapped. "Good knows the world doesn't need you procreating more than necessary…we'll be over run by overly moussed hair, arrogant brain surgeons!"

"Thank you Bailey," said Derek sincerely. "I appreciate what you did for me."

"I didn't do it for you, fool," snapped Bailey. "One of my residents are a wreck today, if I cleared it up I might get some work out of her today."

"I'll tell Meredith."

"I warned you not to go near either of them," said Bailey. "You've managed to break both of them at least once. Congratulations!"

"They don't know how much you care about them," said Derek thoughtfully. "You're old interns I mean."

"They don't and if you tell them…" said Bailey staring him down.

"I won't!"


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

"Well I heard that she had a miscarriage," said Izzie, the entire hospital was talking about Derek and Rose. "Apparently she was hysterical and he pushed her to the ground and told her to get back to work."

"I heard that he forced her to have an early abortion, shoved the pills down her throat," said Alex.

"Olivia told me…" started George but he was interrupted by Meredith.

"Shut up all of you," she shouted. "Why are you listening to that crap? It's not true Derek would never do anything like that!"

"Then what did happen?" asked Izzie. "No' one has seen Nurse Rose since this morning, and McDreamy isn't saying a word!"

"I…I don't know what happened," said Meredith. "But he did not shove pills down her throat…He couldn't."

"Well at least someone doesn't believe the rumor mill," said Derek dreamily, leaning against the wall.

"Oh Dr. Shepherd…we uh didn't see you there," said Izzie nervously.

"Clearly."

"We should uh go this way," said Izzie hustling Cristina, George and Alex into the elevator. "Bye."

"Bye," said Derek barely glancing at them.

"Sorry about them," said Meredith.

"It's no worse than what everyone else is saying."

"Still they should know better, they know _you _better," said Meredith.

"The only things that spreads faster than disease in this place is gossip," said Derek.

"So what did happen this morning?" asked Meredith curiously. "If you don't want to tell me…"

"She wasn't pregnant, she never was," said Derek. "Although she had all but planned our wedding."

"Oh dear," said Meredith.

"Yeah," said Derek. "So I think it's safe to say that she knew what she was doing. I never thought she could be that manipulative."

"I'm sorry," said Meredith.

"It's not your fault."

"Still," said Meredith. "If we hurry you could put Ella to bed if you want?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," said Meredith. "Come on."

----------------------------------------

"What on earth is this?" asked Derek. He had just put Ella to bed and walked into the kitchen where Meredith was preparing baby bottle. He held up a shrek baby soft toy.

"It's a Shrek baby."

"A what?"

"You've never seen Shrek, the films?" laughed Meredith.

"No I'm an adult."

"Well you're going to have to get used to seeing these things," said Meredith. "Ella isn't even four months yet but she loves Shrek, she started to watch the first one last Tuesday while I got dressed, when I tried to turn it off she screamed bloody murder for the next hour."

"Really?"

"Really," said Meredith. "Izzie bought her the toy, she loves it."

"But it's a green oagre, doesn't it scare her?"

"Are you kidding? I'm surprised you could pry it away from her."

"I waited till she was asleep," Derek confessed.

"Make sure you put it back before she wakes up."

"I will," said Derek watching Meredith closely. "So…You're not seeing Finn anymore?"

"No I'm not," said Meredith turning back to fix the bottles. "I told you that."

"You did," said Derek. "I was right about him."

"Yes you were right about him," said Meredith, the way Derek said it made her smile unwillingly.

"I never thought he was good enough for you," Derek murmured softly.

"As a recall when I first met Finn, you flew into a jealous rage."

"That I did…"

"Even though you don't get jealous."

"Even though I don't get jealous," said Derek.

"Funny that," said Meredith turning round. She gasped when she realised just how close Derek was, their bodies was pressed against each others and she was backed against the kitchen worktop.

"Isn't it just?"

Derek leaned his head down and brushed his lips gently against hers, instead of pulling away like she knew she should she responded but grazing hers against his. Derek smiled slipping his arm round her small waist, opening his mouth and coaxing her with his tongue. Meredith's hands slid up his shirt and her fingers grazed his abdomen. Derek's hand dropped to her butt as the kiss become more and more heated, he started to lift her onto the worktop. She pulled away abruptly pulling her hand out from under his shirt.

"Meredith…" he said looking at her confused.

"I'm sorry," said Meredith not being able to look him in the eye. "I can't do it. I can't go there with you. Not again. Not ever."

"Why not?" he asked hurt. "I still love you, I don't think I ever stopped…"

"That doesn't matter," said Meredith firmly stepping to the side so as to put some space between them.

"How can that not matter?"

"It just doesn't!"

"Do you still love me?"

"Shut up!"

"Meredith," he said grabbing her arm. "Talk to me."

"I can't go through it again Derek," she said tearfully. "You don't know what I went through last time."

"I'm sorry."

"I know," she said. "But…everything changed…"

"Meredith…"

"Let me talk will you?" she snapped. "When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified I had no idea what to do! But the only thing I did know was that I wanted you, I knew that you were it for me."

"Meredith…" said Derek dreading what was coming next.

"Let me finish," she said. "I knew that I would never love or want anyone else. You told me you wanted a lifetime do you remember that?"

Derek nodded, closing his eyes praying she wasn't going to say what he thought she was.

"I was ready! I wanted a lifetime with you. I may not have known what to do about the baby, but I wanted to tell you, I wanted to talk about it and make that decision together. But you kissed Rose, you didn't even tell me you met someone else! You waited until there was no going back."

"I'm so sorry," said Derek feeling like he could cry. He could have had everything he had ever wanted, if only he hadn't been so stupid. He could have a family, a proper family. He could have Meredith and their daughter.

"I know you're sorry Derek," said Meredith calmly. "But it doesn't change anything. I don't plan on ever being broken like that again, by anyone. But we have Ella and I have forgiven you for Rose and everything, but I can't forget! We're parents now and we can be friends the way we have been. But we'll never be more than friends!"


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"What's going on?" Alex asked knowingly when he found Meredith hiding in the tunnels the next day.

"Nothing."

"Come on spill," said Alex. "People say you feel better when you tell someone, and I promise no advice or judgment…hell I doubt I'll even care."

"It's nothing," she shrugged.

"Offer expires in ten seconds."

"Derek said he loved me, he kissed me," Meredith blurted out.

"I should have guessed," groaned Alex.

"What happened to no judgment?"

"There is no judgment!"

"I told him it didn't matter," said Meredith. "That we were over and we would never be more than friends."

"Good girl," he muttered.

"Now he's not speaking to me," said Meredith. "He can barely look at me."

"Selfish bastard," said Alex letting Meredith rest her head on his shoulder. "He doesn't get what he wants and he throws a tantrum."

"That's one way to look at it," said Meredith wryly.

"That's the only way to look at it."

"I know," said Meredith. "It just makes everything so awkward."

"Want me to kick his ass?"

"Tempting but no," said Meredith. "He's too pretty to look at."

"Be careful with him," said Alex.

"I will be," said Meredith.

"Good," said Alex kissing the top of her head. "Just say the word and I'll kick his ass."

"Thanks."

----------------------------------------

"Are you going to ignore me all day?" said Meredith when she found Derek doing charts at the nurses station.

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Derek barely glancing up.

"You're ignoring me," said Meredith. "This morning in surgery you didn't say a word to me."

"I was operating on a mans brain."

"Fine, you really want to be like that. Fine," said Meredith angrily storming away.

"What an ass!" exclaimed Meredith as she all but threw herself down on a chair next to Cristina.

"What did McDreamy do now?" asked Cristina dully.

"Nothing!"

"Right," scoffed Cristina. "Did you finally tell him you're dating McMajor?"

"No…I haven't told him and I'm not dating him I went on one date with him," said Meredith.

"On a date with who?" said Derek.

Meredith groaned and turned on her seat and found Derek standing behind her looking non too happy. He had been coming over to apologise when he had over heard Cristina.

"How much did you hear?" asked Meredith while Cristina discreetly slipped away.

"On a date with who?" Derek repeated his eyes blazing in anger.

"Derek I really…"

"Who?"

"Okay," sighed Meredith dreading how he was going to react. "Do you remember the guy in the ER last week, he had been in a car accident?"

"Could you narrow it down a bit?"

"There was a group of them…they were in the marines."

"Yeah I heard about that one, no' one was seriously hurt," said Derek. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well I was stitching up one of them, Dylan, and he…asked me out," said Meredith.

"You went out with him?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Last Saturday," she sighed.

"So everything you said last night…"

"I meant what I said last night…I didn't lie about any of that," said Meredith heatedly.

"First Finn and now a patient," said Derek. "Ella's barely four months old."

"What's your point?" snapped Meredith.

"Ella doesn't need a bunch of strange men coming in and out of her life."

"How dare you? Ella has not been around a bunch of strange men," said Meredith losing her temper.

"Where was she when you were on your date?"

"With Izzie," snapped Meredith. "I put her to bed before I left, I had one glass of wine and was back before she had a night time feed. I will date Derek and you have to get used to it because I will not explain myself to you!"


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

"So this is your place?" asked Dylan. "It's very nice."

Meredith had gone on another date with Dylan, they had gone for dinner at a nearby restaurant and he had walked her to the front door. Meredith had left Ella with nanny after she had tucked her into bed. But Derek had overheard Izzie and Cristina talking about Meredith having a date, so had gone to Meredith's to relieve the nanny.

"Thanks, it was my mothers," said Meredith.

"Oh it's you," said Derek opening the front door. "I was afraid you were a burglar."

"What are you doing here?" said Meredith.

"Well Ella's nanny called me, she wasn't feeling very well," Derek lied.

"Funny she was fine when I left," said Meredith not believing him for a second.

"It was very sudden," smirked Derek. "Hi you must be David?"

"Dylan," said Dylan shaking Derek's hand. "And you are?"

"I'm Derek, Ella's father," said Derek pleasantly as he obviously sized up Dylan.. "Didn't Meredith tell you about her daughter."

"Yes I did," said Meredith glaring at Derek.

"Good," said Derek.

"Anyway I better be going," said Dylan. "I'll call you about Saturday night Meredith."

"Okay," said Meredith standing on her tip toes and kissing Dylan on the cheek, aware that Derek's eyes were boring into her. "I had a lovely time tonight."

"Me too," said Dylan. "Bye."

"Bye."

"Lovely time? You had a lovely time?" said Derek as soon as Dylan was out of earshot.

"Shut up!" snapped Meredith. "You did that on purpose!"

"Did what?" laughed Derek as he followed Meredith into the house.

"Crashed my date!"

"I was just sizing up the competition."

"Competition? What competition?" demanded Meredith. "There is no competition!"

"We'll see about that."

"Derek this is not like the whole Finn thing and dating! Me and you is never going to happen again, I told you that," hissed Meredith.

"I know what you said," said Derek. "But I'm not ready to give up on you yet."

"So Rose turns out to be off her rocker and now you want me back!"

"It's not like that."

"Sounds like it to me."

"It's not," Derek insisted. "I love you."

"You don't love me Derek," sighed Meredith. "You love the thought of me, the thought of being a cozy little family."

"No I don't," said Derek. "That's ridiculous."

"Is it?"

"Yes," said Derek firmly. He reached out and cupped the side of her face with his hand, he looked her in the eye. "I love you for you, I always have."

"Except when I'm dark and twisty."

"Especially when you're dark and twisty," said Derek. "So how was your date? Lovely?"

"Yes as it happens."

"You never described any of our dates as 'lovely'"

"Because our only date ended on the porch with you and Finn paying more attention to each other than to me!"

"We had other dates," Derek argued.

"We had rushed meals in between surgeries…and booty calls!"

"Well the sex certainly wasn't 'lovely', was it?"

"No," said Meredith trying to stop herself from smiling. "I could never describe the sex as 'lovely'"

"So how would you describe it?" asked Derek slyly.

"I'm not playing this game with you," said Meredith.

"We could play another game then."

"No games Derek!"

"You're right, no more games," said Derek dreamily.

"Has Ella had her night time feed yet?" sighed Meredith.

"No not yet," said Derek.

"So you've just been sitting here on your own all night waiting for me to come back?"

"I was worried about you," said Derek. "David could have been an axe murderer for all I knew…"

"Dylan," Meredith corrected.

"Whatever," said Derek dismissively. "He could have been a psychopath."

"He isn't."

"Well you didn't even tell me you were dating, there had to be a reason you wouldn't tell the father of your child that you were seeing someone."

"Are you forgetting about what happened last night?" said Meredith. "How could I tell you?"

"I'm sure you could have found a way."

"I didn't want to hurt you," said Meredith sadly.

"Mmmmm, okay," said Derek. How could he argue with that? "I'll just be going then."

"Okay," said Meredith. "Thanks for…you know caring."

"I'll always care about you," said Derek softly. "Bye."

"Bye," said Meredith.

"Fucking McDreamy," Meredith muttered when Derek left. "How the hell does he do that?"


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

"Happy birthday dear," said Linda Shepherd.

"Thanks Mom," said Derek trying to keep a smile on his face.

He had flown to New York two days earlier, he wanted to clear his head and sort out what he was doing with Meredith. He was in love with her, he knew that, he also knew that he had broken her twice. He didn't know if he could trust himself not to do it again, and he had Ella to think about. He couldn't risk breaking Meredith again, not when he knew it would affect Ella and his perfect little daughter did not deserve to have her parents at each others throats. Both Ella and Meredith deserved a perfect happily ever after, Derek just had to accept that he couldn't give it to them.

"You could call her," said Linda.

"Call who?"

"You know who," she said.

"She will be at work," he sighed. "Anyway we're just friends…if that."

"Okay," said Linda, not wanting to push the subject.

"I just miss them," he sighed, there were always something about his mother that made Derek want to open up and tell her all his problems in hope that she could make it all better the ways he used to when he was a kid. "I've only been her two days and I miss them like I haven't seen them for a year."

"That's alright," said Linda sympathetically. "I miss you all the time, it's normal for a parent to miss their children."

"I know," he said. "But I shouldn't miss Meredith as much, should I?"

"You two spend a lot of time together," said Linda choosing her words carefully. "You have a very special bond…"

"In other words no," said Derek flatly. "I shouldn't miss her like I do."

"I can't tell you what you feel," she said. "But I do think you should call her."

"I can't," said Derek looking out of the kitchen window. Linda knew it was pointless to keep talking to him, he was brooding now.

-----------------------------------------

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Meredith asked Mark for the hundredth time that day.

"Of course I'm sure," said Mark yet again. "You and the kid showing up at the surprise party is perfect, trust me."

"Trust you?"

"I am going to rise above that and not take offense," said Mark. "If I know Derek and believe me I do, he is sitting at home with his mother sulking because he misses Ella and…you."

"I doubt that," muttered Meredith. "He has barely even looked at me in the past week, let alone talk."

"Just because you didn't see him look doesn't mean he wasn't," said Mark. "We have to go to my place first, you can dump your bags and do whatever it is you people do before a party."

"Okay," said Meredith staring out of the car window. She and Ella were staying with Mark for the day and a half that they would be in New York.

----------------------------------------

"What are you doing here?" asked Derek.

"You didn't think I would miss your birthday did you?" said Mark.

"Yes," said Derek.

Derek's surprise party had started half an hour ago, it wasn't exactly a surprise party because he knew about it. His sisters always insisted on throwing him one whenever he was in town on his birthday. He was being polite, talking to everyone smiling, pretending he was enjoying himself when all he really wanted to do was go home, kick off his shoes and mope about what he could have had.

"Well Mom called me and told me if I didn't get my ass on a plane she would do something unspeakable bad to me," said Mark.

"That sounds more like it," laughed Derek.

"I did bring you a present though," said Mark.

"You did? Where?" said Derek looking at Mark, he didn't have a gift with him.

"Yes I did," he said. "It's in the garage."

"What is it?" asked Derek suspiciously.

"Why don't you go and see for yourself?"

"Alright," said Derek looking at Mark as if he was sure he was up to something.

Derek walked towards the garage, he opened the door and stepped in. Before he had even seen or heard them, he knew it was Meredith and Ella. Then the smell hit him.

"Ugh you sure can pick your moments," groaned Meredith as she took Ella's diaper off. "How can someone so small do that?"

Ella just lay on the changing mat, gurgling happily clutching her Shrek baby in her hand.

"Da da da da da da da," she sang happily. "Ball Ball Ball."

"Yes I know Da Da Ball," said Meredith. Ella had learned her first word the day before, it had been Da Da of course. "Da Da? Would it kill you to say Ma Ma…or anything else?"

"She's talking now?" said Derek leaning against the doorframe watching them.

"Oh my God Derek!" gasped Meredith. "You scared the life out of me!"

"Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to."

"It was supposed to be a surprise," said Meredith as she turned back to finish changing Ella's diaper. "You weren't supposed to find us in here."

"Mark told me I would find my birthday present in here," he said. "So unless he's giving me my own car, I think I was supposed to find you here."

"Oh well Happy Birthday," said Meredith. "We got you a real present too, it's here somewhere."

"I think this is better than any gift," said Derek lifting Ella from the table. "I missed you."

"Da Da," squealed Ella, looking quite pleased with herself. "Da Da. Da Da."

"Yeah I'm your Da Da," beamed Derek. "When did she start talking?"

"Yesterday," said Meredith. "Da Da. Isn't that just typical you weren't even in the state and her first word is still Da Da?"

"Well isn't she clever?" said Derek tickling Ella's stomach. "I think she's going to be a genius."

"I think she's going to be such a Daddy's girl."

"I think she already is."

"It's not fair, I pushed her out, I gave birth," said Meredith. "But when 'Da Da' is around…Oh well it could be worse I suppose. She could be like me."

"There's not much wrong with being you," said Derek.

"Hmmmm," said Meredith thoughtfully.

"I'm…I'm sorry about the way I've been with you lately," said Derek not looking at Meredith. "You didn't do anything wrong and I had no right to treat you as if you had."

"Thank you," she said. "Apology accepted."

"Good."

"Do you mind if I ask what was bothering you?" asked Meredith watching his body language very carefully.

"I was just thinking about what an ass I am," said Derek. "That's all."

"Okay," said Meredith knowing there was more to it than that. "Shall we go and join the party now?"

"Yes."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

"I thought I might find you out here," said Meredith. Derek's birthday party had started to wind down, she had noticed that he had suddenly gone missing. He was sitting in the back garden looking up at the stars lost in thought. "You want some company?"

"I seriously doubt I'm much company at the moment," said Derek.

"Derek, I'm getting really worried about you now and I'm not the only one," sighed Meredith sitting next to him. "You have been moping all week, you barely say a word to anyone. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing. I'm just dealing with some stuff and…I'm having a hard time accepting it."

"Accepting what?"

"That we're over," he said looking over at Meredith. "I'm just trying to let you go."

"Derek…" said Meredith not knowing what to say to him.

"It's not your fault," he said taking her hand in his. "You haven't done anything wrong, this is my fault."

"I caused a lot of our problems," said Meredith quietly. "It wasn't just you. You didn't end us on your own."

"But I did end us," he said. "I kissed Rose, I should have known there would never be any going back from that. I was just too…I don't know I thought Rose would give me the future I wanted, the one I thought you would never be ready for. She intrigued me and I thought that would be enough. I basically cheated on you."

"We weren't together…not officially anyway."

"I should have waited for you," he said. "If I had waited…everything would be so different now. We could have been a proper family…we wouldn't be like this."

"You don't know that," said Meredith softly. "You don't know that we still even be together now…our relationship was such a roller coaster. Isn't it better this way? We can talk and be friends. I don't know about you but I don't feel awkward or weird around you and I think we are a family. You, me and Ella, we are a family maybe not a traditional one but a family."

"I know," he said. "You're right."

"I am right," she said. "So don't beat yourself up about the past."

"But it still doesn't change the fact that I love you," said Derek. "I love you so much and I'm going to have to sit back and watch while you date…one day get married…I'm going to have to watch while someone else gets to love you…and I'll do it, I swear I'm not going to try and sabotage your dates again. I'm just trying to let go and accept that I'm not your happily ever after."

"Derek…" whispered Meredith as tears stung her eyes. She had never wanted to hurt him, she didn't want revenge on him for hurting her. But she had hurt him, she could see it in his face, she had broken his heart. "I'm sorry."

"No I'm sorry," said Derek pulling Meredith into a hug, he buried his face in her hair. "I'm so sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for Addison, for Rose, for everything. And I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you were pregnant."

"Don't apologise for that," said Meredith snuggling her head into his shoulder. "I did a terrible thing and you didn't know that I was still pregnant, so please don't apologise for that. You've been nothing less than perfect since Ella was born."

"Thank you," said Derek. His last redeeming feature was that at least he was a good father.

"You're an amazing Dad," said Meredith almost as if she was reading his mind. "It's no wonder Ella adores you so much."

"If there is anything you ever want or need from me…just ask me," said Derek. "And I mean anything."

"Derek this isn't goodbye," said Meredith a little fearfully.

"I know," he sighed. "But it's the end of an era, now we're just Ella's parents."

----------------------------------------

"Sloan I am going to murder you," Meredith hissed.

"What did I do?"

"You gave Ella cotton candy, what the hell were you thinking?"

"She wanted it, she liked it," said Mark not seeing what he did wrong. "Once won't hurt her."

"But now she won't sleep tonight," said Meredith hitting Mark over the head with a newspaper she grabbed close by.

"Of course she will," said Mark poking Ella in the stomach gently. "Won't you?"

"Do you have any idea what a sugar overload does to babies?"

"Grey will you stop hitting me?" said Mark ducking for cover.

"You. Are. Such. A. Moron," said Meredith slapping him over the head with the newspaper again. "I'm just glad you will be sleeping in the next room when she is screaming bloody murder all night!"

"Fine, I'll stay up with her," said Mark grabbing the newspaper from Meredith. "You know for a rugrat, she's pretty cute."

"Yeah tell me that again at 4am," muttered Meredith.

-----------------------------------------

"You have to help me," Mark whispered down the phone at 4am. Ella was still wide awake and whenever he tried to put her to bed, she started to scream.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" groaned Derek. He was staying at his Mother's in his old room.

"Yes I bloody know what time it is," Mark hissed. "But this _thing_ wants to play…and as cute as she is I think I may have to kill her."

"Where's Meredith?" Derek asked knowing that Mark would never harm Ella.

"Asleep," he said. "I told her I would stay up with Ella since I gave her the cotton candy…But she won't shut up, she wants to play peek a boo at 4am!"

"Try singing to her," said Derek sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Singing? Seriously!"

"Do you want her to sleep?"

"Fine, what the hell do I sing to her?"

"She likes nursery rhymes…sing Jack and Jill to her," said Derek.

"Alright here goes," said Mark warily.

"Jack and Jill went up the hill,

To fetch a pail of water,  
Jack fell down and broke his crown,  
And Jill came tumbling after.  
Up Jack got and home he ran,  
As fast as he could caper.  
There his mother bound his head,  
With vinegar and brown paper."

"Oh that is just terrible," said Derek.

"Shut up it's working," hissed Mark. "She's quiet."

"Da Da Da Da," Ella sang.

"Never mind she was just filling her diaper again," groaned Mark. "I'm telling you this is the best advertisement for contraception ever."

"Oh shut up," said Derek. "You're just doing it all wrong."

"How the hell do I do it right?" hissed Mark. "How do I change the diaper?"

"Just take the dirty diaper off and clean her," sighed Derek. "I'll be over in ten minutes."

"Thank you."

----------------------------------------

"What is going on here?" asked Meredith the next morning. Ella had actually slept until 11am, after having kept Mark and Derek up until 5am. Meredith had gotten and got Ella from her crib and found Mark and Derek slouched together on the couch asleep.

"Sleep," groaned Mark. "I need sleep…that bundle of pure evil kept us up all night."

"Pure evil?" said Meredith looking down at Ella. "Surely he can't be talking about you."

"Oh yes I bloody am," he moaned. "That baby is never having sugar again."

"See I told you Uncle Mark would learn," said Meredith to Ella.

"Did…Did you do that on purpose?" gasped Mark.

"I didn't need to do anything," smirked Meredith.

"You really are Satan, you know that right?"

"Yes," said Meredith placing Ella on Derek's chest, keeping hold of her by her arms so that she wouldn't fall since Derek was still sound asleep.

"Da Da, Da Da, Da Da," squealed Ella as she hit her little hands against Derek's face.

"I'm awake," he groaned.

"Da Da, Da Da," she giggled as Derek picked her up and threw her into the air.

"Ugh I'm going to bed," groaned Mark pulling himself off the couch and stumbling to his bedroom.

"Come on we better let 'Da Da' get some sleep too," said Meredith picking up Ella. "We can go sightseeing."

"Give me half an hour and I'll come too," said Derek.

"Are you sure? You can't have gotten much sleep," said Meredith.

"I'm positive," said Derek. "How often are my two favorite people in New York?"

"You don't mind doing geeky tourist things with us? Statue of Liberty and Empire state building sort of geeky?"

"Well you'll need a knowledgeable tour guide won't you?" he said. "I'm just going home to change and stuff, I'll pick you up in half an hour."

----------------------------------------

"Boo Boo Boo," screamed Ella as Derek and Meredith returned to Mark's apartment that night.

"Ah someone learned a new word today I see," said Mark.

"So you've forgiven her for keeping you up all night?" said Meredith as Mark took Ella from her arms and started to play peek a boo with her.

"Yes," said Mark. "I am fully rested once again."

"Good," said Meredith. "Cause you were such a bitch this morning."

"Hush Grey," said Mark. "Where did you three disappear to today anyway?"

"We went on the Staton Island ferry, the Statue of Liberty and we went to the top of the Empire State building," said Meredith.

"Oh boy does that sound fun," said Mark flatly.

"It was," said Meredith. "We were going to order Chinese food if you want any?"

"No I have a date," said Mark handing Ella back to Derek. "Don't expect me home tonight."

"Of course," said Meredith rolling her eyes.

"Now you two behave yourselves," said Mark sternly. "We don't need any more of your offspring keeping me up all night."

"Very funny," said Derek.

"Aren't I just?" smirked Mark. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"We won't," said Meredith all but pushing Mark out the door.

"See you in Seattle Grey and Mini Shep," Mark called.

"What time do you leave tomorrow?" asked Derek suddenly remembering that Ella and Meredith had to go back to Seattle the next day.

"Plane leaves at noon," said Meredith.

"Can't you both stay a little longer?" asked Derek giving Meredith his McDreamy face.

"I can't," she sighed. "I have to go back to work tomorrow night."

"Okay," he sighed. "It's been nice having you both here."

"I suppose Ella could stay another day," said Meredith slowly. "I'll be at work tomorrow night anyway."

"You would let me keep her in New York."

"For one day, yes," said Meredith. "She loved seeing all her cousins yesterday."

"Thank you," said Derek. "I mean it really."

"You're her Da Da," said Meredith simply.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

"Hey," said Meredith when she found Derek outside the hospital.

They had gotten back from New York a week ago, and Derek had stopped acting weird towards her. Meredith had broken up with Dylan a few days ago, she wasn't really into dating anymore.

"Hey," said Derek.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked. It was pouring down rain and Derek was leaning against the wall of the hospital staring out into the parking lot. "I thought you had a date tonight?"

That was something else that had changed since New York, Derek was dating again! And Meredith had never been more jealous in her life. In fact she had spotted the woman he was going on a date with that afternoon in the hallway, she had to restrain herself for knocking her to the ground. Her name was Amanda Smith, she was a cardiologist, she had long brown hair, legs that went on and on and perfect features.

"I do," he said still looking out over the parking lot. "I'm meeting her here in five minutes."

"Oh right," said Meredith. "I'm just on my way home…I'll just leave you to it."

"Are you alright?" asked Derek. "You're rambling in that cute neurotic way you do when something is bothering you."

"I'm fine."

"Seriously does anyone believe you when you say that now?"

"No," she admitted. "But it's nothing really."

"Now I know it's something otherwise you would just tell me."

"It's nothing you can help with," sighed Meredith.

"Try me."

"No," she laughed. "Have fun on your date."

Derek nodded, and watched as Meredith walked towards her car.

"Just tell me, what's the worse that can happen?" he called after her.

"I broke up with Dylan," she shouted across the parking lot at him.

"Why?"

"Because…there's only one man that is ever going to do…but I'm pretty sure I pushed him away for good," she shouted. "I guess I'm going to grow old alone with seven cats and a load of hats."

"Meredith…" he called.

"Bye," Meredith called as she got into the car.

"Are you ready to go?" said Amanda slipping her arm through Derek's.

----------------------------------------

Derek was standing in Meredith's driveway lurking in the shadows so that she didn't spot him. She was sitting on the swing on the porch, she was wearing an oversized jumper and clutching a cup of coffee. Every so often her hand would curl around the baby monitor at her side, making sure it was on.

He didn't know if he should go up to her or not. He loved her, he loved her so much it hurt every minute he wasn't with her. They had a daughter together. The only thing Derek had ever wanted was literally a few feet away.

But he and Meredith had been through so much together, they had been so much in love at one point. But it still didn't work out. Part of Derek couldn't help but wonder if things were better as they were. Wasn't it better that they were friends and could raise Ella together. Could he really risk breaking up his family for good? Could he risk doing anymore damage to Meredith? He didn't know if he could trust himself not to hurt her again. He couldn't risk Ella getting caught in the middle of that.

"Hello," Meredith called. She must have heard him move. "Is anyone there?"

Decision time…


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

"It's only me," said Derek. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you."

"Derek?"

"Yeah."

"What are you doing here?" she asked watching as he walked on to the porch and stood in front of her. "How was your date?"

"A disaster."

"Oh…sorry," said Meredith trying to sound sincere.

"What did you mean?"

"What?"

"What did you mean earlier in the parking lot?"

"Uh…that…I was just…"

"You said there was only every one man that was going to do and that you had pushed him away for good," said Derek.

"I did."

"You did," he said. "Who were you talking about?"

"Derek…I…" Meredith protested as she deliberately looked away from him.

"No. No more games," said Derek firmly. He grabbed Meredith's shoulders and made her face him. "No more games Meredith. Tell me right now or I will walk away for good!"

"You," she whispered.

"Me?" Derek repeated.

"Yeah you," she said pulling out of Derek's grasp. "Pathetic isn't it?"

"Meredith…"

"No let me finish," she said. "I spent so much time convincing you that it would never happen…I didn't convince myself. So I wait until you move on…I could have told you in New York when you were…I guess I just didn't have the courage to tell you especially after everything I've said."

"Why did you then?"

"I don't know…because you were yelling across the parking lot and it was raining."

"You were jealous," he said still slightly dazed. "When you heard I had a date you were jealous."

"Yes," Meredith admitted. "Fine I was jealous."

Derek just stood there looking at her, as if he was trying to work out what she was thinking. Meredith stood in front of him awkwardly waiting for him to say something, surely it was his turn to say something.

"Derek please say something," she pleaded.

"Is Ella asleep?"

"Yes," said Meredith hanging her head. She took that to mean that Derek had moved on, he was over her. "I actually should go and make up her bottles for the morning."

"Okay," said Derek. "Bye."

"Bye Derek," said Meredith turning away so he couldn't see the tears in her eyes.

----------------------------------------

Derek only made it as far as his car before he came to his senses. What the hell was her doing? Was he seriously going to walk away from Meredith again? He looked up at the porch Meredith had gone inside. He took out his cell phone and called her.

"Hello," said Meredith and Derek knew instantly that she had been crying.

"Can I come inside?" he asked. "Please."

"Uh…yeah okay," she said.

-------------------------------------

When Derek hung up the phone, Meredith sprang from where she had been sitting at the kitchen table. She pulled some of Ella's bottles out of the sterilizer and started to measure out the formula. She didn't want Derek to know she had been crying. She heard him coming in the front door and making his way into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry," he said leaning against the fridge.

"For what?" said Meredith trying to pretend that nothing had happened.

"For walking away again."

"It's fine," Meredith insisted. "Really everything is fine with us."

"Fine? You need to stop using that word, it makes me worry."

"Sorry," she said. "I guess it's just a habit."

"I love you Meredith," he said. "I still love you, I've tried not to but I can't stop."

"Derek…please don't do this," said Meredith looking up at him. "It's alright…I know I've pushed you away and I'm difficult."

"Come here," said Derek cupping her face with his hand and pulling her into his arms. "Don't cry."

"I'm not," said Meredith defiantly.

"You're upset," he said resting his chin on the top of her head.

"I'm okay," she said.

"I'm not," Derek confessed. "Can you please be honest with me, right now can you be honest?"

"Okay," said Meredith quietly, trying not to get tears on Derek's shirt.

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"We can't play games anymore," said Derek seriously. "It's not just us that would get hurt this time, we can't not talk to each other, we can't cut each other of our lives."

"I can't promise I come with a life time guarantee," said Meredith.

"I know that."

"But I do want a lifetime," Meredith continued. "I meant when I said no other man would do. I can't picture being with anyone else…I can't imagine having kids or growing old with anyone else, no matter how hard I try I just can't."

"Me neither," said Derek.

"So…I was honest with you. Can you be honest with me now?" said Meredith pulling out of Derek's embrace.

"Sure."

"Have I pushed you away for good?"

"No," said Derek lifting Meredith's chin and gently kissing her lips. "I've been here the whole time."

Meredith reached up and placed her hand on the back of Derek's neck, she pulled his head down to her and kissed him hungrily and all but throwing him against the fridge.

"Wait…Mer before we go any further," said Derek pulling away. "The last time you wanted to take it slow…"

"You want to take things slowly?" said Meredith flatly. "No sex!"

"I never said that," said Derek quickly. "I just meant…are you sure you don't want to try that again…"

"I haven't had sex in over a year," said Meredith.

"I'm going to take that as a no," smirked Derek.

"Are you still talking?"

"I'm going to make you scream until you don't know how to be quiet," Derek murmured as he kissed his way down her neck.

"Is that a promise?" she moaned, moving her head to give him better access to her neck.

"It's a guarantee."

* * *

**THE END**


	22. Chapter 22

**Epilogue**

"Where are the kids?" asked Derek as he walked into a surprisingly tidy kitchen, usually there were toys, crayons, plates and literally anything else lying around. Meredith was standing at the sink doing dishes, looking out onto the land.

"Playing in their tree house," said Meredith pointing out the window.

"Still," said Derek peeking out the window to watch them. "It's been over a month since we built that."

Meredith and Derek had gotten married a week before Ella's first birthday, they had built their dream house on Derek's land. Ella was now six, and still the spitting image of Derek. Declan Michael Shepherd was four, he had Meredith's fair hair and Derek's piercing blue eyes.

"I know," Meredith laughed softly. "Declan wants to sleep out there. He had lunch in there today."

"So…that's normal," said Derek. "I used to love my tree house, it was the only place I had to hide from my sisters."

"He's four!"

"I know that."

"And you have encouraged him to climb a tree," said Meredith worriedly.

"Relax," said Derek wrapping his arms around her waist. "He's fine."

"He is up a tree," said Meredith still watching out of the window intently. "He's still a baby."

"He's four years old."

"That's exactly my point."

"He is not a baby."

"He's my baby," said Meredith.

"You need to stop worrying," said Derek pulling her closer to him.

"I'm his mother, it's my job to worry."

"Is Ella out there with him?" asked Derek.

"Yes," said Meredith. "She's trying to make him play teddy bear picnics."

"So we have an empty house," said Derek lighting kissing Meredith's neck.

"Derek the kids are right out there," she moaned.

"Hmmmm," he said nibbling on her ear.

"Derek," she moaned. "We can't…"

"We can," he said slipping his hands up her shirt and stroking her stomach. Ever since she had been pregnant with Declan, Derek had loved her stomach, it was so soft and feminine he was always touching it.

"DADDY," Ella cried when she spotted him standing at the window. She ran as fast as she could into the house.

"Hey princess," said Derek bending down to catch Ella as she ran into his arms. "How was school today?"

"I got a new book," said Ella. "Will you read it with me?"

"Of course I will," said Derek.

"Dinner will be ready soon," said Meredith. Another big change was that Meredith had learned to cook proper food in the past few years.

"Okay," said Derek. "Come on lets try and get Declan out of his tree house for dinner."

"Okay Daddy," said Ella taking his hand and going into the garden.

----------------------------------------

"Mummy I read the _whole_ book by myself," Ella shouted as she ran into the bathroom where Meredith was bathing Declan. "Didn't I Daddy? Tell her."

"She did, all by herself," said Derek proudly.

"See," said Ella triumphantly.

"Well done," said Meredith. "You're getting so good at reading now."

"Yup Daddy said I'm a genius," said Ella. "And when I'm older I can be a brain surgeon like you."

"Did he now?" said Meredith looking up at Derek.

"It was only a suggestion," said Derek smirking.

"I bet it was," said Meredith shaking her head at him. "This coming from the man that bought her operation before she could stand."

"She asked what we did at work," said Derek innocently. "I thought it would help explain it to her."

"She couldn't string a sentence together at that age."

"Yes I could," said Ella defensively. "Daddy tell her I was smart."

"You were a genius baby," said Derek.

"Me too. Me too. Me too," said Declan as Meredith towel dried his hair.

"No Dec," said Ella as if she was so much wiser. "You were a boring baby, you just pooped and cried."

"NO!" shouted Declan.

"I'm biggest I know," Ella argued.

"No I'm biggest," said Derek. "And I know best. You were both little darlings."

"See!" said Declan triumphantly.

"Alright that is enough all of you," said Meredith picking up Declan. "Story time and then bed."

"Can I pick the story?" asked Ella as she followed Meredith into Declan's room.

"You picked last night," said Meredith. "It's your brother's turn."

-----------------------------------------

"Did you hear about that spinal surgery this morning?" Meredith asked once Ella and Declan had gone to bed. She was lying on the sofa with Derek, watching TV while he read over some paperwork. He was resting his chin on the top of her head, as she snuggled her head in the nook of his neck.

"Patient with creeping paralysis," he said.

"Yeah I heard about it, how did it go?"

"I saved him," Meredith boasted. "Full body function, thank you very much."

"Well done Dr. Shepherd."

"Thank you Dr. Shepherd."

"Mer?"

"Yeah," she said.

"I love you."

"I love you too," said Meredith surprised. "What brought that on?"

"I can't tell my wife I love her?"

"You can, it's just when you just say it like that you've usually done something bad."

"Like what?" laughed Derek.

"Like when you hired a handy man to build that damn tree house, when took Ella to the fair and let Mark give her cotton candy at eight at night…"

"Alright I get it," he chuckled kissing the top of her head. "I was just thinking about us."

"What about us?"

"I'm so lucky," said Derek. "You, the kids, everything. I just don't feel I deserve it sometimes, you know? I still don't understand why you took me back after everything we went through…"

"Hey what's brought all this on?" asked Meredith worriedly they hadn't talked about Rose or anything in years.

"Seven years ago this week, you left me," said Derek sadly.

"Right," said Meredith. That sounded right, seven years ago she had told him she had gotten rid of Ella. "We've come so far, and we're happy now."

"I know, ignore me," said Derek kissing the top of her head. "It's scary though how different things could be."

"Everything worked out," said Meredith. "We aren't meant to be apart."

"No we're not."

----------------------------------------

"Derek," said Meredith as they were getting ready for bed that night.

"Yeah."

"Do you remember when I was pregnant with Declan?"

"Yes," said Derek not seeing where she was going with this.

"And I would wake you up at 3am because I was hungry and then again at 6am because I had morning sickness, and I was likely to burst into tears at any given time?"

"The most interesting and terrifying nine months of my time, yeah I remember," said Derek crawling into bed next to her.

"And I told you I wouldn't do it again until it was possible for you to give birth?"

"Yes."

"I changed my mind, I want another baby," said Meredith hurriedly.

"What? You do?"

"You don't," said Meredith flatly.

"No I do," Derek quickly reassured her. "I just…thought you didn't."

"Well I didn't but then…I don't know something changed and I started to get all…mushy again…looking at baby clothes, old photos…strangers babies in strollers," babbled Meredith. "My point is I want another baby…if you do."

"Well Mrs. Shepherd I think it's time to get in some practice for all this baby making."


End file.
